Jaime's "Monday Morning"

Say goodbye to last week/I already know I won't sleep/My body lays still in this bed/
But I'm everywhere else in my head/All the good all the bad/The page will be turned and I'm glad/ Yet a part of me won't let go/I don't want to tell or show/ But the key is not to be sick/Rather to be eccentric/ I was starting to get cabin fever/ So I had to leave her/I'm getting too far ahead/This is for all the tears I'm not afraid to admit I have shed/This is for anyone I've ever said I LOVE YOU to/and it's also for you/I don't claim to be different/ I only wish to share what's on my mind/Here I am on Sunday night at 11:59/But what's coming up isn't just any day/This isn't just any new week/It's an entirely new beginning....
...It's Monday morning.



Here we go...






----------------------
Intro
Motionless
Masochistic Tendencies
Nicest Day Of The Year
My Sanctuary
Road Kill On Cherry Hill
Monday Morning
Too Ugly For Prince Street
The Love Asylum
She Still Loves Nicole
Intermission
His Panic
Obsolete
A Loser For You
Early Life Cry-sis
Sick For Thanksgiving Again
Teenage Poetry
Delusional
What Are You Doing Yesterday
Stars That Won't Align
Closing



He was having just another average night
at the dive bar when he saw a jaw dropping sight
She was only 4'11"
A small slice of heaven
She walked over and whispered in his ear
but the music was so loud he couldn't hear
So the wild child grabs his behind
and he didn't seem to mind
He was aroused by her sudden aggression
She was ready to skip the chat and have fun
Her body language did all the talking
The bulge in his pants made it hard for walking
He was lit up like a xmas tree
as was she
but it was written all over her face
When they finally got to her place
the redhead seemed so unstable
His shin slammed against her coffee table
because she pinned him up against the wall
She jumps and wraps her legs around his waist
Next thing he knows he's slurping on his toothpaste
He hits himself cuz he just had the same dream again
So it starts just like any other ordinary day
He turned the knob to the shower the wrong way
Hot water is left. Why does he always make that mistake
Sits down and eats the same stale corn flakes
Leaves his same place and gets on the same train
Wondering when someone will end the same dull pain

He always goes down without a fight
He lives his life in black and white
Looks through the tunnel but sees no light
Hasn't felt the honest touch in 10 years
and feels the pain but won't ever shed the tears
Because he's
Motionless
Motionless
so damed
Motionless
Motionless
Every day,
his world feels gray
He wants to break away
but will always stay
No one would notice either way

The ride to his job was painfully long
On the way he listens to the four same old songs
He looks a mess cuz he's so uninspired
The tedious routine has him fed up and tired
As the train stops over by Rector
he admires a natural beauty
and he's sitting right next to her
In awe, he rolls his eyes
and whispers 'Oh my'
She overhears the comment and smiles
He hadn't made a woman laugh in quite a while
They started to make small talk
Skipping work, he asked her to go for a walk
When she agreed, he wanted to instantly hold her
but he wakes up and his head is on a stranger's shoulder
He nodded off again and at this point wants to cry
but had to muster up the will to get through the turn style
The fantasies and disappointments are always the same
Spends his life in an office where everyone forgets his name
He's going to end the misery tonight
He's online booking a flight
No where specific
Just someplace far
Anywhere that you are

He always goes down without a fight
He lives his life in black and white
Looks through the tunnel but sees no light
Hasn't felt the honest touch in 10 years
and feels the pain but won't ever shed the tears
Because he's
Motionless
Motionless
so damed
Motionless
Motionless
Every day,
his world feels gray
He wants to break away
but will always stay
No one would notice either way

He's standing in the crowded airport at 3 AM
There are dozens of delays
but he didn't mind having to stay
Travelers were having a fit
He didn't care one bit
cuz he never felt more alive
Couldn't wait to hit the infinite sky
He handed the attendant his boarding pass
but suddenly falls on his ass
It's 5:30 and its time to play repeat
and hit the all too familiar streets
The dream is over
Time to start being sober
Time to continue the monotony
that is destined to last indefinitely

I wrote a 6 page short story with this same title for a creative writing class during my junior year at BC. The theme of repetition really interested me at the time. It still does. And that's what "Motionless" is all about. The story wasn't really about me nor is the 'song' version. It's about a man who is much older than myself, perhaps in his thirties. I chose to look at the world from this type of perspective just because I wanted the character to have seen more, been through a lot in terms of love/loss and is just plain tired of the monotony that has become his life. The fun part of writing the poem was actually taking six pages of description, dialogue and condensing it into a few verses and lines. Initially, I thought that would be too difficult or annoying to pull off. Dialogue is what drove most of my short stories and if I couldn't use that in this piece, I'd be lost. But it helped me immensely in writing the rest of the songs for this project.

When I typically write these pieces, they read like a journal entry with rhymes, heavily reliant on feelings after a significant event. I still write certain songs like that. I love that type of approach and have been very comfortable with that idea. But with Motionless, the task was to write a poem as a story. Obviously with songwriting and poetry, this style has been around forever. But it's a style that I had limited experience with.

I had fun painting this picture of a man who just keeps dreaming of a life he painfully desires but does nothing about it. He just 'plays repeat'. It's never explained how he got to that point. I wanted to fool the reader a few times with these dream sequences. In doing this, you get a true sense of how sad this person truly is. Even I felt bad for the guy after writing these terrible scenarios. He didn't even get to the airport. That dude needs a vacation. I KNOW there are billions of people that can relate to this. And that's always my motivation with writing. I have a love/hate relationship with routine. We all have one, whether it be work or play related. However, we often want to break free from it forever. This one is for that guy or girl.

It proves that dreams don't end at childhood, and like wine, just get stronger with age. But when we're finally ready to pop the cork, it's too late.



Obsessed with things that break my heart
I wonder if I enjoy being torn apart
Has it become music to my ears
taking solace in my greatest fears
This doom has become orgasmic
because to keep you around is to be sick
It's not that you drive me crazy
but you don't keep me sane
You feed my craving for pain
yet no pleasure follows suit
Stomps on my soul with her knee high boots
It's my punishment and I'm a glutton for it
and now it's become a bad habit
I try so hard to turn over a new leaf
But if you don't mind
I want you to continue this grief

It's as if
I took two bars of soap and rubbed them in my eyes
squeezed a tube of icy hot applied it between my thighs
asked you to give me blue balls just for fun
dry shaved with a cheap razor when I was done
When drivers yell stop, I continue to go
and once again I listen to you say no
These things all hurt equally
They're masochistic tendencies

The power has shifted
Most of this is self inflicted
because I give it all to you
yet there's always someone new
All this energy that I choose to waste
and you won't even give me a taste
You know just how to twist the knife
I'm living a meaning without any life
After all these years I refused to relent
To say you make me hurt is an understatement
I'll never understand why you play so coy
I'm just your hopeless, fall back boy

It's as if
I took two bars of soap and rubbed them in my eyes
squeezed a tube of icy hot applied it between my thighs
asked you to give me blue balls just for fun
dry shaved with a cheap razor when I was done
When drivers yell stop, I continue to go
and once again listen to you say no
These things all hurt equally
They're masochistic tendencies

I'm addicted to your rejection
You make it so hard, yes I intended the pun
I'll continue to stare at the sun
I just want you to say yes, just one day
so by night, I can continue with my painful ways

It's as if
I took two bars of soap and rubbed them in my eyes
squeezed a tube of icy hot applied it between my thighs
asked you to give me blue balls just for fun
dry shaved with a cheap razor when I was done
When drivers yelled stop, I continued to go
and once again listened to you say no
These things all hurt equally
They're masochistic tendencies

They're masochistic tendencies

It was a little scary writing a title like this. It sounds like something it's not , like a porno. But it's really another 'heartbreaking' tale that seems to be sweeping the nation. We've all had that special someone that just kept saying no to you. Day and night, early and often. And rather than taking your lumps and moving on, you keep that person around and give them a prominent role in your life. They even take priority in your life over family and simple pleasures. Then hopefully, a day comes where you ask yourself, "what am i doing?' This is when you're fully cured. Congrats. But until that question is asked, you're stuck.

It's almost as if you receive some type of unhealthy pleasure by hearing the crippling words of rejection. Since it's so expected, it's easy to go into self loathing mode. Sure, most of us know that we're relatively fortunate to have basic necessities such as health, a roof under your head and always being well fed. But you want to be relatively fortunate with that significant other in your life. Nothing wrong with that request. So you continuously put yourself in this submissive situation where you're at his or her mercy. And for whatever reason, whether it be you're too tall, too short, too poor, too skinny, too fat, too bald, too hairy, too dark, too light, she/he would reject these feelings.

This is why I wanted to put a masochistic s&m vibe to it. It's a theme that works well. Why keep asking if you know it will be an answer that will hurt you? Maybe the answer is something you don't want to hear. It's very possible you hear no so much, it becomes comforting and you're afraid to live without that no. A yes may create too much shock.

I felt ashamed of doing this to myself for a while until I talked to more people and realized they too struggled with the similar inability to shake off a very unhealthy tendency to hang on to every negative word and hints of positive ones someone may tell them. I got angry at a friend for being obsessed. Then I stopped and thought to myself that I was being hypocritical because at some point, I've done that same exact thing, maybe even at a more intense level.

So I thought it would be fun to add humor to this bleak or meek situation by adding outrageous analogies in the chorus, such as shaving with a cheap razor. I felt the comedic part was vital to this piece. It adds an originality to it that put a smile on my face when reading it. And all these outrageous scenarios hurt just as much as that person saying no.



We got into another bad fight on the street today
The kind that make strangers look our way
The one where you just abruptly walk away
What I said was only mildly bad or wrong
You'll never be known for your fuse being long
Lately this procedure isn't shocking or new
Only this time I don't have the energy to chase you
So I stopped when you turned the corner
You leave now and I'm through is what I had sworn to her
She pretended not to hear me but I know that she did
You put all our years on auction and I didn't make a bid
When I'm under serious pressure I can't coherently think
I walked away though my insides will eventually sink

We were so happy just a few moments ago
But on the nicest day of the year I'm going home alone
I thought she'd call so I turned off my phone
It was pitiful but I wasn't thinking straight
All this anguish and we don't even exclusively date
They say not to waste this lovely weather but I'm not in any rush
On the nicest day of the year I'm at home staring at your toothbrush
I hate it when she leaves stuff here for these reasons but she loves to colonize
On the nicest day of the year I wonder if this one was finally our demise
In addition I left my heart and pride at her place
On the nicest day of the year I think about how I'm a total disgrace

But it's not entirely my fault I swear
She gave me an ultimatum that wasn't fair
putting the weight of her world on my shoulders
Forgive me if I don't sound entirely sober
Turned on my phone, no missed calls and I'm glad
She's probably still in the city mad
What if something happened, I hope she's alright
She's probably just still sour about the fight, right?

Things are more complex than they should be
On the nicest day of the year you're not here with me
Maybe we're just too much of the same
I won't be able to live with that guilt or blame
At least not again
I feel like the world's worst best friend
You left your scent on my bed
On the nicest day of the year I wish these feelings were dead
but we have more lives than Fidel Castro
If she doesn't first I'll give her a ring in an hour or so
but only to make sure that she's okay
On the nicest day of the year there's something that I have to say

I turned on the phone again but no voicemail
You didn't pick up and my face turned pale
Why did I pick today to make a stand
I hate that you drag me to the beach though you know I hate sand
When you changed the channel from the game to Project Runway
I almost had Cardiac Arrest
But through it all I know that you're the best
You've always believed in me even during my darkest days

On the nicest night of the year
you're not here

We all get into bad arguments. This is the documentation of one. It has a bit of a bipolar feel to it.



They all call you unpleasant and hideous
but in my eyes that notion's ridiculous
You're labeled as dated
by the spoiled and jaded
Yet who could ask for more
after standing tall since 1964
You symbolize everything that's pure and good
Healed old wounds and created new ones since childhood
Represent the souls of the beaten and gritty
We never claimed to be drop dead pretty
In addition, you've seen better days
but you make up for it in so many ways
It moves and shakes much to their dismay
Oh Shea

Beyond the blue padded fence
this world makes little sense
You have served as my protector, my shield
I'd spend my entire life staring at this field
The cookie cut heaven of New York town
is going down, down...down
The jewel sitting right next to you
can't ever replace you
no matter how spacious or new
Their junk has been our treasure
and it's been more than a pleasure
My Sanctuary

Every year
you get a fresh coat of paint
You've brought me tears
and moments where I've wanted to faint
Not the greatest place to dine
but you'll never hear me whine
That fateful November day will be cold and tragic
Walking through the tunnel in early April is magic
You can pull an oddly shaped apple out of a hat
And no one can quite compete with that
In the industry, a bit of creativity has been fleeting
We all love the vibrant, multi colored seating
Oh, my family and friend
I never want this to end

Beyond the blue padded fence
this world makes little sense
You have served as my protector, my shield
I'd spend my entire life staring at this field
The cookie cut heaven of New York town
is going down, down...down
The jewel sitting right next to you
can't ever replace you
no matter how spacious or new
Their junk has been our treasure
And It's been more than a pleasure
My Sanctuary

I've been to San Francisco twice
Their place is luxurious and nice
But it doesn't have the pulse or life
Had a fun time over in Anaheim
The steel city, infamous Wrigley
Walked the streets of Baltimore
Camden where you could eat off the floor
Toronto and the beauty of San Diego
And our home is falling apart
Yet no other place has more heart

Beyond the blue padded fence
this world makes little sense
You have served as my protector, my shield
I'd spend my entire life staring at this field
The cookie cut heaven of New York town
is going down, down...down
The jewel sitting right next to you
can't ever replace you
no matter how spacious or new
Their junk has been our treasure
And It's been more than a pleasure
My Sanctuary

This was the toughest piece to do out of all of these. I had so much information, detail, love and emotions for this place. A place that writers call the ugliest of its kind. I had so much energy inside of me to tell them off and combat those words. But my own words didn't come out on paper or on a word document. It just wasn't working. And I almost said, 'Fuck it. Nothing will meet my expectations. I'm not writing this." I tried writing it after the Mets lost a game in late September to complete a collapse of historic proportion. That didn't work. I tried looking at images of the new Citi Field, which will be opening a year from now, meaning the demolition of our Shea in just a few short months. That didn't work either.

I always knew what the title should be for this ode to 'my sanctuary', a place of refuge and a place that is sacred. People may think comparing Shea Stadium, a venue where men play a children's game, to a sanctuary, a word that is typically used to describe a church or temple is a bit irresponsible. But I know that those same cynics have had a place at some point in their lives that put a smile on their face or have generated tears of joy. It is as safe and innocent a pleasure left in this world that I know of (Please discount the fans that are tanked way before first pitch). This was a very important poem to write. Not just for the obvious reasons of me being an avid Mets fan. But because there has been the disturbing trend of places closing down that hold true meaning for many. Coney Island will eventually undergo significant changes at summer's end; I know how Earth shattering this transformation will be for some, including my brother and best friend.
A quaint and wonderful restaurant over at Montegue Street, Armandos, has recently shut its doors after decades of business. My parents have been going to that restaurant weekly for 32 years! Even my father's guilty pleasure, Off Track Betting parlors are threatening to discontinue their services. There's a troubling feeling that lingers after all this. The feeling that this world just seems to keep taking and taking until we ask ourselves 'what's left for us?' That's the bigger picture in writing this. Obviously it's focused on my love and all of its quirks and imperfections. The good news is that baseball will continue in Flushing. But at what price and how often, with plans to cut seating capacity by over 10,000 seats? And even if we take those questions out of the equation, the so-called 'dump' will still be gone. Is it as 'nice' as Camden Yards? Of course not. But it's our dump and I feel it was the best symbol of the team and the millions of its fans, as stated in the lyrics.

I love to travel the country to see and experience different ballparks. It's a huge passion of mine. So you can imagine that I was conflicted when I heard about the new stadium plan. Or you may not imagine that. Either way. I still struggle with a true opinion on all of this, as strange as that feels. Maybe my heart is too involved. It just...is what it is. But it's the first place I ever saw a baseball game. I was too young to have any true recollection of the game. My first memories came at the age of 8, over 15 years ago.

So after going to Shea over 100 times in just a two season span, I was FINALLY able to get the ball rolling on a few rhymes and a few emotions that sort of did my passion for Flushing's jewel justice, but not really.

This is one of my favorite love songs I've ever done. It's one of the few loves in my life that's guaranteed to be eternal. And that's always a good thing.
It's for everyone that's ever lost their place of refuge. It's been more than a pleasure...



The lights are off but I see it all
My foot's asleep but I run and fall
I don't have the answer but I raise my hand
I'm extra cautious despite falling into quicksand
Enough melodrama to make you want to die
It's road kill on Cherry Hill and you'll soon know why

Sensitivity has me in rare form
They tell me to quit but I'm too stubborn
The harder you try, the worse it gets
I don't care I need to stop the pain in this chest
What once captured her heart started to annoy
She said she needed a man not a boy
Her expectations for me would always range
A bright future erased cuz I wouldn't change
And our story came to an early ending
Been two days and I'm not mending
Now it's 2AM and I'm wide awake
feeling guilty from all my mistakes
I tried to call but you don't want to talk
All of a sudden, I feel like taking a walk
What's 200 miles when it comes to love
I'll take matters into my own hands
Swallowing pride and giving in to all the demands

Because of all the things you did
I haven't been feeling very lucid
With only a twenty to my name
and a family who knows I'm insane
I'm on my way to downtown Philly
in the middle of the night even if it kills me
It will only take me a few short hours
to try and save what was once ours
Before it becomes road kill
on Cherry Hill

4AM and I’m on that hated bus
Oh the pain I’d sustain for us
Staring out into the desolate New Jersey night
My eyes became sore after such an ugly sight
I’m starting to fall into a stupor
realizing I’ll be unable to dupe her
She’ll still disagree with this life of mine
but when did being me become a crime
This all may not be worth my time
I love her but never asked myself why
Cuz of all the times she threatened to say goodbye
Caring is supposed to be subtle
and I’m sick of this power struggle
Oh the look of content on her face
when she rests her head on his shoulder
Could you have chosen an ending that was any colder
If you keep going back and forth with me
Then I don’t want this anymore

Although I’m torn by the things you said
I’m starting to feel a little more lucid
With only some change to my name
and a family who thinks I'm insane
I'm on the streets of Jersey
As the sun rises, I know my idea was silly
Your words left deep scars
and I can’t be the one to save what was ours
It’s all too late
It’s road kill on Cherry Hill

It all has to be so seamless with you
You take the fun out of dysfunctional
I know there comes a time to leave it all behind
but you don't do it by stabbing a 'loved one' in the spine
With a heart so cold that you give me a brain freeze
I received treatment reminiscent to a piece of sleaze
There will come a day if it hasn't already
when you own a man and life that's steady
where you'll learn from this and become a stand-up individual
You can't always run away from the pain and its residuals
Maybe you can
What do I know besides the times you talked behind my back
and those people weren't even your friends
You shared more with them than me
This obsession is going to end
Take me for granted but don't insult the intelligence you think I lack
You're a great girl who I've always lusted
You just can't ever be trusted
not in my book
At this point, I'd rather be unloved and alone
After this epiphany, I have no money to get back home

It's all laid to rest
so pay your respects
In Cherry...Hill


I was thinking of new and exciting ways to write about a time in my life that I had honestly written down to the ground. Although it was a significant period that generated a very raw and unique type of emotion which made for good writing, I simply became unenthusiastic with the idea of taking time out to do a piece regarding the same hurt and person. Other topics and scenarios were more relevant to me. Having said all of that, it was appealing to tie a specific location with an immense amount of grief. We all have that place which opens up this can of worms. It was a good place to continue and perhaps, end the issue for good.

Almost two years ago, I went on an annual baseball trip to Philadelphia with my friends and brother. Every year we take the Chinatown bus to hostile territory of the 'worker's town' and enjoy the Mets beating on the hated Phillies. After sorority girls gave me the middle finger because of the shirt I was wearing and old, crazy drunkards yelled at me to go back to New York (as if my life-long desires are to stay in their 'worker's town'. Apparently they're the only town with workers.) we make a desperate run to catch the last bus to the city which leaves at 11. We've always made it but boy, it's been too close for comfort. And I mean 10:59-boarding close. Anyway, I was staring out the window while everyone else was either asleep or doing other things. I had forgotten my Ipod so I was forced to just sit and think for 2 hours. The horror! It briefly brought back these memories of taking the same dreaded bus to see an ex girlfriend who went to school near Philly. I remember how I'd be getting close to my destination after seeing various signs that read Cherry Hill. It's a town in Jersey that's close to Philadelphia. I really like the sound of that area. It has this vintage aspect to it. The first thing that popped into my mind was this song called Blueberry Hill. Richard Cunningham would always sing the lyrics, "I've found my thrill on Blueberry Hill" in Happy Days every time he was about to 'score' or get intimate with a girl. When I thought of it, I laughed and asked myself why in the world I knew that fact. But I thought it would be great to write something about this place and what it meant to me then and what it means to me now. It turned from anticipation to this dull pain. I said to myself then that if I ever start writing poems or songs again, I would use Cherry Hill as some form of inspiration.

So about a year and a half later, I was starting to write these pieces again and Road Kill came to mind when trying to make the Cherry Hill title have more character. It sounded great when the two phrases were put together. It was pretty good symbolism in terms of a dead love. I tried to avoid idealizing this idea of road kill. That's not what this was about. So like Motionless, it was written like a story where the reader sees a conflict, a minimal amount of development and a resolution unfold. I read somewhere that stated the first few stages of depression are disbelief then anger. I think sadness comes in between the two, but you see all three unfold. I was amazed at how true this played out in many of my personal cases. I never physically made this futile attempt to go to Philadelphia to save a dying relationship like the song suggests. It did cross my mind. I wanted to go. That's when the logic you read in the piece unfolded in my head. You see this desperation and disbelief turn into a hybrid of anger and sadness. And a rant follows where you attempt to vilify this person you used to care deeply for. Truth is that she wasn't as evil or angelic as you originally thought when in the heat of the moment. (Great song by Asia btw)

So the story written approach along with Cherry Hill added new life to a pretty much dead topic. I'm glad it came out the way it did. It's one of my favorites in terms of originality. The chorus changes as the song progresses along with the mood.



I spend half of life half asleep
Day by day just counting sheep
Never been a big coffee drinker
cuz it would just turn me into a thinker
You see, I took a leap of faith and fell on the floor
and realized I didn't want this for myself anymore
It's the result of being surrounded by pricks
Now I'd rather be sheltered than homesick
You're the cold water splashed on my face
All of a sudden, I don't hate this place
Feel the left side of my chest it finally beats
yet stops when our lips meet
She made sex on Friday night
feel alright
But you, you're something else

It's Monday morning
I have bloodshot eyes
The day ahead should make me cry
yet there's this unusual feeling
inside that's just lingering
Because of a kiss, I'm no longer numb
Just young, in love and extraordinarily dumb
and now I wanna feel the air in the back of my head
Life's such a waste if you live it brain dead
You make me better
when we're together
You make me wanna stop sleep walking
Through life

I want to end my day at the start of the day
and if I miss something, come what may
A believer in the world being cruel and mean
yet you're destroying my motionless routine
So it's the worst day of the week and I just smiled
You take all that despair and make it seem mild
You're the only upper that I'm willing to take
Never cruel, never deceitful and never fake
With her, lust can only go so far
but you, you're perfect as you are

It's Monday morning
I have bloodshot eyes
The day ahead should make me cry
yet there's this unusual feeling
inside that's just lingering
Because of a kiss, I'm no longer numb
Just young, in love and really dumb
and now i wanna feel the air in the back of my head
Life's such a waste if you live it brain dead
You make me better
when we're together
You make me wanna stop sleep walking
through life

Yeah, she made me feel alright on Friday night
but you can make me smile on Monday morning

It's Monday morning
I have bloodshot eyes
The day ahead should make me cry
yet there's this unusual feeling
inside that's just lingering
Because of a kiss, I'm no longer numb
Just young, in love and really dumb
and now i wanna feel the air in the back of my head
Life's such a waste if you live it brain dead
You make me better
when we're together
You make me wanna stop sleep walking
Through life

Stop sleep walking through life

I don't know about you but there are very few things I loathe more than waking up on a Monday morning. Now I know this sounds petty compared to the real problems out there. But come on, people. Let's be honest. At some point or another, we've all had that feeling of depression, anger, fatigue, sadness, whatever. Remember that feeling right now. The beginning of what seems to be an endless week of tedious procedure. Picture this despair. Now, I want you to think of a euphoric experience so strong, a feeling so deep, an emotion so tight and riding high, it can make you actually smile on a Monday morning upon awakening. If you picture this scenario then you picture this idea for the piece.

It's about a love so deep, a person so special, that if you got to see them on this once dreaded time, it would create higher emotions than other other average previous interest could on a Friday night or Christmas or your birthday. If you ever find this type of person and they have this type of power to do this, it's likely that ultimately this person will be bad for you. They take you out of your comfortable rhythm and routine. But you don't care at the moment. Nor should you. Because it is what, at the present time, makes you feel good.
Monday morning is about the resurrection of a man.



I looked in the mirror for the first time in four days
Much to my surprise, what I saw was decently okay
I've been waiting for this moment for a quite a while
Meeting a lady tonight with this million dollar smile
Went in my bathroom and bathed in cologne
Wore my one button down shirt and stared at the phone
Finally received the call I was longing for
So excited, on my way out, I slammed into my door
Hopped on the N Manhattan bound
Strange coincidence on the way that I found
They started coming in this station by the masses
Each wearing a pair of Chuck Taylor's and thick black glasses
I had the distinct feeling right away I didn't belong
But hoping against hope my initial reaction was wrong
I exited the star studded station and went up the stairs
Outside of the store, I saw her standing there
I couldn't believe I was about to say this
I told her she's hotter than a day in Vegas
After that things started to go south
because she punched me in the mouth
She was expecting tall, dark and handsome
and I didn't fit the bill
I tried to explain that big noses were hot but she didn't buy it
Asked if she wanted to grab a bite but she was on south beach diet
It didn't stop me from begging for a one night quickie
But I was amazed at her lack of sympathy

She said
Take a look at those huge billboard ads
the ones that make your little hormones glad
Then observe yourself next to me
Isn't there some kind of discrepancy
You're in SoHo
Oh no
Here's a paper bag to put over your head
if looks could kill, you'd already be dead
I'm just being honest and that makes it alright
Find another fool to sleep with tonight
You were really nice and sweet to meet
but you're just too ugly for Prince Street

Oh I've been through this before
The moment my heart hits the floor
And I'm in so much pain
But my pride attempts to remain
So I played it cool by hinting a smile
She was as stunning as she was bile
I asked her what's wrong with me
and she asked what isn't
as she popped in a breath mint
What about inner beauty
She said that's another phrase for ugly
If I got a dollar every time she sighed, I'd be rich
Why am I still talking to this bitch
Because she's being a bitch
Her smooth olive colored skin
just stunned and took me in
And now she wants to kick me to the curb just because
she thought I was more interesting than I really was
You can only get so far by putting up a disguise
Shyness and a monotone voice is a recipe for one's demise
She didn't want to stay but I continued to beg
I did anything short of humping her leg
You'd think I just discovered puberty
She then poked my growing beer belly
and asked me to buy her a 40 dollar cocktail
I then asked if she could make it a twenty
She said this is why you fail
She never fully smiled yet I loved her smirk
Whenever she did, it made my head jerk
Yeah both
Well I guess I'll say goodbye for now
Don't worry, I won't come back again
I even got turned down by the mannequin

She said
Take a look at those huge billboard ads
the ones that make your little hormones glad
Then observe yourself next to me
Isn't there some kind of discrepancy
You're in SoHo
Oh no
Here's a paper bag to put over your head
if looks could kill, you'd already be dead
I'm just being honest and that makes it alright
Find another fool to sleep with tonight
You were really nice and sweet to meet
But you're just too ugly for Prince Street

I thought of 'Too Ugly...' on the N train, heading to Queens one summer day. I remember making this conscious effort to observe something on my trek because it was a trend I noticed before and it was too glaring to just ignore. That observation
was the type of women who were at the Prince St. station that would enter and/or exit the train. They were either all attractive or tried extremely hard to look beautiful. Possibly too hard. I didn't get that vibe at any other stop, not even Union Square
I studied the clothes, hair styles, posture, make-up, etc. There's definitely something different going on around that area. My friend says it's become touristy but I think it's more than that because all of New York City has basically become a tourist spot. Then another friend suggested it was just another area in the city filled with yuppies/hipsters. And if you want to categorize or pigeonholed a group of people, I guess my friend's observation is accurate. At any event, it was the one subway stop where I could understand one feeling inadequate, whether the reasoning being physical appearance or any other reason.
It's a similar scenario walking the actual streets to eat or shop. Everything and everyone seems a tad upscale and high-maintenance. I know there are fancier places in NY, but I like the sound of Prince Street. Any area with expensive eateries, an Apple store (which I like. I won't lie), attractive females and has the word Prince in its name is the perfect place to write about rejection.

The initial approach was to write something a bit more serious and feature a broader sense of rejection and not just one specific person or situation. That didn't work for me. It wasn't fun to write or read. As stated earlier, I had just started getting into the good habit of writing songs as stories, and used that as a template of what I wanted to do. I created a specific situation, adding bits and pieces of all my different experiences of being rejected. The girl in the song is a monstrous combination of every bitchy, vile feature I've observed with several girls. So I labeled her the Cloverfield of girls. I hope to God no one like this truly exists, although I'm certain that those hopes are futile. So the specific situation in the song is fictional, but to an extent. Many elements have some truth to it in this one.




Well you wanted to get laid
here's the price that you paid
and that price is called your sanity
Everyday, you continue to promote her vanity
Expectations have your heart beating 3 times as fast
I'm wondering how long this shouting is gonna last
Whoever said love doesn't kill
never swallowed this pill
Makes me want to jump into the Hudson River
How much more attention can I give her
I attempt to keep a level head as I should
But it's too late now she's got me good
When you're in love, it's hard to see
I asked why she was angry with me
and I received a ten page list
They say marriage shouldn't even exist
I'm not ready to go that extreme
but it's never as seamless as it seems
One minute she gives me an erection
the next, she throws a teddy bear in my direction
Is that actually a true story
Let's discuss relationships and their glory

Welcome to the love asylum
Leave all common sense at the door
There's no padding on the walls or floor
All residents suffer severe cases of insanity
Just imagine you came here voluntarily
for the chance you'd be rewarded for believing
You've opened Pandora's box and won't be leaving
Won't be leaving
the love asylum

I've already said it
I'm not apathetic
If I was, would I be screaming at the top of my lungs
If I was, I'd take back those embarrassing songs we've sung
At that concert I had a little too much to drink
This girl's swaying hips had me unable to think
With you there, I couldn't stop staring at her back
That's when you turned my wandering eyes black
Though I embellish a bit
We get jealous and have fits
but you know you love to party
Why must everyone be so clingy
I either adore it or despise it
I'm sure you feel the same
It's the little things that make me insane
like when you loudly eat soup while I'm still in bed
I never knew one's face could turn so red
We worry about old loves that weren't meant to last
It's like we punish each other for having a past
We say we're sorry when we're really not
just so all the madness can briefly stop
So what makes your relationship better or worse
Either way, we all have to deal with this curse

Welcome to the love asylum
Leave all common sense at the door
There's no padding on the walls or floor
All residents suffer severe cases of insanity
just imagine you came here voluntarily
for the chance you'd be rewarded for believing
You've opened Pandora's box and won't be leaving
Won't be leaving
the love asylum

I've been dying to have people read this one. I guess my inspiration for this one was a bit Hotel California mixed with my own experiences with the kind of love that makes you go a bit coo-coo and how you voluntarily put yourself in that place.
Love is beautiful when you think about all the consequences attached to it. It's also is a freak of nature. It shouldn't exist. People with great common sense should typically stay away from it. Love your family, love a few friends, love your dog or cat or ferret. But end it there. It would be so much easier!! This is a little peek inside those very consequences which include insanity, incoherence, impulsive behavior, broken heart. I give a few examples of my own fights I've been a part of, mostly those which root through jealousy and just being plain annoyed. Lots of petty things. But it's all out of love!

I think it's wonderful that people commit themselves to the love asylum though most of us are aware this is what will happen. It's actually one of the few things that gives me hope about the human race in general. That commitment to put yourself through hell at times for those brief euphoric moments. It's great. It's like spending hours squeezing oranges just so you drink fresh juice. The actual drink lasts probably 5 seconds to consume. But it's worth it. And so is putting up with all the nonsense when it love or when searching for it... Maybe!




She tapped her glass of wine against mine
The sound of our toast was bliss
but the more she drank
the more she told me about who she missed
Then the night quickly sank
She talked about when they used to kiss
Oh I can't believe this
Giving me too much information again
of all those memories with her ex-girlfriend
Those brief cheers now turned into tears
She hugged me and said I'm glad you're here
Wanted to court her but now all I can do is console
because of how much she misses Nicole
The only one who understood her
By morning, this will all be a blur
because she's in a drunken haze
Explains how she thought it was just a silly faze
That she thought guys simply made her jaded
and how she'd get over it after she graduated
but so far that hasn't been the case
A world without her is what she may face
Says even though she's 2000 miles away
she thinks about her Nikki every single day
They got in a huge fight right before they moved
said it's for the best because dad wouldn't approve
She always had strong feelings for me
I just want her to be happy
Okay I lied
I just want her by my side

I promised I'd never again be infatuated
and this is exactly why
cuz rather than being liberated
I have to suffer as I watch her cry
As adults we're all damaged goods
Trying to turn should not into should
Attempting to travel a closed path
Desiring what we can't really have
Yet she has the rare ability to make me laugh
and make up for the joy that I lack
She owns my heart owns my soul
There's just one minor setback
She still loves Nicole

When will she make up her mind
I understand this is a confusing time
but this back and forth mess is driving me insane
She just used my computer to Google her name
When it was over she gave me a kiss on the cheek
It made an awful night finally complete
I was ready to give up when I get a call the following morning
She calmly says, come over I need to tell you something
Of course I ran there as if a rocket were up my ass
or as if I was running barefoot on broken glass
I entered her room and the scent was heaven
I'm usually on my fourth dream by seven
but here I am, awake and alert
and she's starting to flirt
but I could tell that she's forcing the issue
In about a minute I'm gonna have to get her a tissue
As much as I wanted her love this has to end
We'll never be more than friends
Her tears return and it breaks my heart
I said you and her don't belong apart
You have a life that you need to freely live
despite your family being hardcore conservatives
She wasn't being experimental or cliche
l got one last hug as I left her house that day
There's one thing I know
I'll always despise Nicole

I promised I'd never again be infatuated
and this is exactly why
Cuz rather than being liberated
I have to be the one to watch her cry
As adults we're all damaged goods
Trying to turn should not into should
Attempting to travel a closed path
Desiring what we can't rally have
Yet she has the rare ability to make me laugh
and make up for the joy that I lack
She owns my heart owns my soul
There's just one minor setback
She still loves Nicole

This past year has gone by as slow as a snail
I sluggishly look through the family mail
I miss those good ol' days of infatuation
Here's one tiny note that resembles an invitation
That's because it is
Once again I can't believe this
She's getting married to a man named Chris
She never seizes to amaze
After all that it was just a faze
or was it?

It's about a man who is nearing romance with this girl that he loves but she is just too hung up on her ex-girlfriend to reciprocate these feelings. He tries to ignore this glaring problem in his pursuit but that becomes impossible. At the beginning of the piece, she breaks down in tears as they're having a romantic dinner because of a memory she has. It was a great way to set the frustration tone.

This is sort of fictional, but not completely. There has been a time or two where I was really into a girl but she just wouldn't allow herself to move on from an intense past relationship. And she kept talking about the pain, some in more obvious ways than others. It happened like 3 times in a row and really pissed me off. I thought that the best approach was to find someone who wasn't jaded because of some guy that took her for granted. Then I quickly realized how impossible that would really be. Everyone's had their heart broken and facing that dark place between standing still and moving on is inevitable. As a guy, it's easy to get impatient and frustrated. It's possible that at some point, I've fallen victim to the very same 'damaged goods category' as I am an adult, (though I don't always act like one) who's had his heart broken. I like to think that those stains haven't affected or prevented me from giving every situation the benefit of the doubt, but who knows? Sometimes time alone is the only way to rid yourself of that rut.

Anyway, none of the girls mentioned were ever in love with another girl. I was going to write SHE STILL LOVES (enter random guy's name) Then I thought it would give the song more depth and substance if the girl was confused about her sexuality. But that's just a minor addition to the story. It's not supposed to be about lesbians. He doesn't care what gender the competition is. He's just angry/jealous no matter who she has on the brain.

I wrote it with the main goal to explain being that feeling that you're being compared to someone else. And how you feel when you're quickly losing that battle.

'STLN' was the second to last piece that I wrote. I wrote down the title during my spring training trip in Florida. I was bowling with my father, who I beat easily, and it just popped in there. Great trip. Port St. Lucie isn't so bad. 2 tickets to paradise.



I'm hungry but not sure for what/Starvation's eating away at my gut/Maybe I could go for a steak/Problem is I'm only half awake/This notebook is still on my lap/The anticipation is making me feel like crap/I turned on the TV to get out of the funk/Saw Bob Vila trying to sell a bunch of junk/Continued to feel sick/Now time shares are being sold by Alan Thicke/So that's the end of TV time/These days I could feel nostalgic with the drop of a dime/This room is so damn cold/I start to think about the good ol' days though they're only four days old/That happens when you know things have changed forever/Now I'm thinking about tomorrow's weather/But it isn't a potent distraction/It's just an over reaction/Places keep closing down/My father said nothing stays the same/and no one is to blame/I could tell he's just trying to convince himself/I still have that letter lying on my shelf/I give it a quick read every now and then/Love those memories of Christmas when I was ten/Thankfully I'm falling into a stupor/I love the smell of a good hotel/Random thoughts such as my childhood crush/My memory is currently a bit foggy/because I feel so groggy/ But I wonder if I would recognize her from a far/ Oh her...name...was...
(snore)

------------------




I'm always looking for the lifetime warranty
but in this world, there are no guarantees
I think I've been watching too much TV
Is all news bad news or is it just me
It makes me just want to stay indoors
drink and pass out on the floor
At the party I wanted that fourth shot but I'd get too sick
Plus I'm afraid of becoming an alcoholic
I tried to sleep but my heart kept pounding
The noises outside were suspicious sounding
Home invasion is a major fear
so I'm sensitive to the commotion that I hear
Maybe it was just all in my head
I spent 5 straight hours awake in my bed
Now I can't eat breakfast because of this stomach ache
I'm worried sick that I'll make that one fatal mistake
I dread the morning commute to work
I think of a day full of pompous jerks
Walking down the street, someone snuck up from behind
Thought it'd be a man with a weapon that I would find
I shrieked like a woman in intense labor
But it was just my 80 year-old neighbor
That girl called me later in the day but was it out of pity
As you can see, paranoia's got the best of me
So call me weak but peace is all i seek

It's just his panic
His panic
The panic
Panic
His panic
He tries so hard to change his ways
but is overtaken everyday by
His panic
Has panic
Such panic
Panic
His panic!

After sex, I checked the condom to see if she had poked a hole
She'd never do that, but it was on SVU so you never know
She adores her friend's baby
so maybe it's time for a vasectomy
I want to chime in during intellectual conversations
but I'd use a big word out of context, the frustration
I have to get somewhere fast but I don't drive
Those reoccurring nightmares have delayed that strive
Now I hate the internet because of the lack of privacy
A new Facebook feature told my friends that I just went to pee
In this day and age how am I going to make a damn living
At this point I'll take a mindless job that'd crush the dream
and is marriage part of the dream or that nightmare
Can I find someone foolish enough to truly care
I'm falling faster by the day worrying about what they think
The harder I try to ignore them, the easier I sink
This is a good relationship but I still wait for it to go wrong
These loving vibes don't tend to last very long
What really happened that day in September
When's the next blow
I may actually be scared of my own shadow
In a society that thrives on ruling by fear, I'm done
The perfect type of prey for the Bush administration
Now I've got a feeling big brother is watching me and you
Though they probably have more important things to do

It's just his panic
His panic
The panic
Panic
His panic
He tries so hard to change his ways
but is overtaken everyday
by
His panic
Has panic
Such panic
Panic
His panic!

Oh it's my panic

Everyone's been talking about paranoia in America. With events like terrorism, the Patriot Act, Global warming, war, fear of a depression, we, as a society, are probably on edge a bit more than usual. Also, there's so much media out there for you to see and read. That could sometimes work against your lifestyle. We have access to learn about any and every tragedy around the globe. The local news and print media have been around forever and they've always reported heartbreaking, or disturbing tales.

I wanted to write about this paranoia idea because I'm a worrier and a nervous guy, thanks to genetics and 14 years of Catholic school. I still love you mom and dad.

It's an all or nothing attitude I suppose.

But I didn't want to make it political. I just wanted to touch on all my past and current fears from a dark comedy perspective . Lots of the scenarios are embellished. Some aren't. I'll let the imagination sort out which is which. His panic is a play on words obviously in regards to my heritage. It has nothing to do with race though. It's just about a guy who panics a lot and how those anxious times stop him from having a better and more productive life.

This anticipatory anxiety requires a great imagination with not a pessimistic attitude, but definitely a gloom and doom one. The format was to mention something basic sounding then turn that situation disastrous!



I paged you three times using my rotary phone
They'll be able to find us next to the dinosaur bones
I made you that mixed tape of all your favorite songs
Hope you've given it a listen though it's been so long
since we've laid eyes on each other
It's possible we're tired of one another
I can't believe we're eating at this place again
and that you make pastries with an Easy Bake Oven
Why won't the MTA accept any of my tokens
We were gonna have a Kodak moment but his thumb got in the way
Wish there was a camera that let you see the image before it's developed
Maybe some day
As I sit here playing my 8 bit Nintendo
I think about
a love which I've run out of ideas to express or show
We're tired We're weak
We're obsolete

It's come to our attention
that we're starting to get a bit stale
I got your hand written letter in the mail
but it was a tough read cuz of that giant blotch of ink
The words were sweet though...I think
Time wearing us down is a fact I can't deny
I tried to tell you a story but you just rolled your eyes
Looks like you've heard that one already
I have to meet you by 1 but you know by now I won't be ready
I get deja vu when we walk down this street
That's because we've been there and done that
We're obsolete

Tried to get on the internet but couldn't find an open line
Those busy signals bring shivers down my spine
It seems I've played from behind since birth
I wanted to buy you a gift at the local Woolworth
I had no idea that they closed down
and I can't find a record store anywhere in this town
I hope after all this you're still having fun
What's wrong We used to love this position
I took your hand and teased your movie selection
It was horrible but you know what, it was exciting
Now you look at me like I couldn't be more boring
Maybe I do wear too much Mets apparel for your taste
and you yell about all the breath that you waste
I have to admit my mind involuntarily drifts away
Now we have to go out cuz Hallmark made up a holiday
Having said that I still badly want you to stay
Maybe it's because we've come so far
I need one of those cleaners for my VCR
but that's neither here nor there
Although I adore that angry stare
you put the fun in dysfunctional

It's come to our attention
that we're starting to get a bit stale
I got your hand written letter in the mail
but it was a tough read cuz of that giant blotch of ink
The words were sweet though...I think
Time wearing us down is a fact I can't deny
I tried to tell you a story but you just rolled your eyes
Looks like you've heard that one already
I have to meet you by 1 but you know by now I won't be ready
I get deja vu when we walk down this street
That's because we've been there and done that
We're obsolete

What do you think
Are we resilient or just going extinct
So many have come and gone
Seems like we're the last ones standing
Maybe we're victims of the almighty outrage
Maybe we're showing some age
But time is what we'll continue to fight
right up until the clock strikes midnight
so bring it on

It's come to our attention
that we're starting to get a bit stale
I got your hand written letter in the mail
but it was a tough read cuz of that giant blotch of ink
The words were sweet though...I think
Time wearing us down is a fact I can't deny
I tried to tell you a story but you just rolled your eyes
Looks like you've heard that one already
I have to meet you by 1 but you know by now I won't be ready
I get deja vu when we walk down this street
That's cuz we've been there and done that
We're obsolete

A good relationship with a whole lot of time and caring invested goes sour because of the very reasons that made it strong. For the most part I've favored the long-term relationship approach to romance. It's what brings out the best times and most intense feelings for me, having someone to reminisce with, feel comfortable with, and trust. It's more than just a 'security blanket'. But all those beautiful pros, like many things in life, can quickly turn on you. The abridged version is that two people just get sick and tired of each other's quirks, habits, etc. It happens. That excitement, that 'spark' never lasts. The question is what can you do to rekindle it when it goes out. When writing this, I used all my feelings of repetition which is I suppose one of the main themes of the entire project. And you know that she is just as fed up with you as you are with her. And as bipolar and insane as love is, you still want that person to stick around.

In the past, she's rolled her eyes when I've told the same jokes or complaints. My mind has drifted away when she's told me long stories that seem to deal with the same issues. It's no disrespect to her. She's one of the most interesting people I've ever met, way more interesting that myself. It's just that time thing. It's a mofo. You see, all these couples come and go, and you just feel like the two of you are a part of a dying breed. You feel obsolete. It doesn't seem to click or work as well as it used to. It happens. But what distinguishes this story from just the typical "i'm sick of you. I'll find someone else' story is that you're still being teased with these pleasant reminders of why you fell for that person in the first place, which makes one's decision that much more complicated.

I thought it'd be fun to use the obsolete theme and compare a long-lasting couple with older technology such as rotary phones, Nintendo and beepers. Remember how crazy people were for beepers? My favorite were some of the hideous cases you'd buy for lots of money. "Look I have a magic eight ball on mine."



I'd rather write a song about a girl than talk to one
So here it goes
.
I'm not exactly the smooth talker
That doesn't mean I'm the crazy stalker
Obsession is such a strong statement
I'm just passionate guy who won't relent
I saw you admire the long hair of another
so I tried on a wig but just resembled my mother
You said you despised men with body hair
so I was waxed while chained to a chair
You are turned on by a raunchy dance
but with you I would just quickly cream my pants
I know that he left a stain
but will you let his loss be my gain

You make me act pathetic
but I could never regret it
because in my eyes it's all worthwhile
I'll stare at a picture of you for half an hour
then sing off key about it while in the shower
learn all about your checkered childhood
Try overly hard to make you feel good
when the days make you want to shout
and that's just when the novelty wears out

I'd be a loser for you
Would he?

I am a loser for you
Is he?

I was a loser for you
Was he?

I know girls love rejection
but one day you'll opt for passion
A guy who knows your favorite color
Who cares if I could be a bit duller
The stuff he does is mistreating
Don't fall, its all misleading
I remember the first and last thing you said
You gotta hear through all the bullshit that he's fed
He controls it all, from your wardrobe to friends
I go insane watching the same story unfold again
As a desperate man, I try to throw small hints your way
You don't notice, though they're as subtle as a runaway train
Maybe I just want a bite of the forbidden fruit
At the end of the day, the point is moot

You make me act pathetic
but I could never regret it
because in my eyes it's all worthwhile
I'll stare at a picture of you for half an hour
then sing off key about it while in the shower
learn all about your checkered childhood
Try overly hard to make you feel good
when the days make you want to shout
And that's just when the novelty wears out

I'd be a loser for you
Would he?

I am a loser for you
Is he?

I was a loser for you
Was he?

I take all her words home
and dissect every syllable
That's why I sit here miserable
I know ya
I love ya
i need ya
but I just can't do it
go through it

Oh would he?
Is he?
Was he?

A loser for you

Over indulgence of anything is pretty much frowned upon. I based this piece on that idea. If you overly indulge in sports and you study every little detail, such as statistics, you're labeled as a sports geek or loser. If you love comic books so much that you buy every issue and keep it sealed and hang it on your wall, you're a comic nerd and a loser. But if you only know a few statistics of your favorite team or have only a couple of issues of your favorite comic book, it changes that perception and it's not an obsession, a word that understandably startles people.
I think the same idea can apply to over indulging in a person you feel passionately about. If you just appreciate their aesthetics, or physical appearance, it shows mild interest which is typical and easier to comprehend. But what if you obsess over the little things of the individual, like their fears, dreams, diction, etc. You become a geek or loser for that individual. You study their every word, like a fanatic would study every lyric of their favorite musician. I wanted to take that approach and metaphor when writing this. It was designed to be a basic, sweet and endearing tale of a clueless version of myself. Humor was also an important element to try and capture that.

He tries to figure out what can win this girl's heart, and does some terribly foolish things in the process that made me laugh. I never tried on a wig or waxed my body hair for anyone, but yes, I've done some things that now make me want to kick my own ass.

My favorite part of this one are the tenses used in the chorus. It goes from future to present to past. 'I WAS a loser for you. Was he?"



I've got this girl in my life and she's great
We've developed a bond that's innate
She'd go the extra mile to put a smile on my face
That's why I feel like a total disgrace
because I don't really think I can do it anymore
Do it anymore
Yes, do it anymore
Expectations rising faster than time
Commitment has me losing my mind
I look around and kids are having kids just for fun
Friends telling me they've met their only one
When did this start to happen
Where have I been
What if I just wanted to start fresh
just on a whim
I can't without worrying about you
Looks like this is really overdue
I've never been a part of anything more genuine
but I got a feeling that my youth is wearing thin

Oh no
Is this gonna be my last kiss
before all I can do is reminisce
Just go
Intelligence isn't bliss
and I take no joy in knowing all of this
Far too many possess lives they regret
and I don't wanna risk that threat
Your love is something I'll forever miss
I'm just going through my
Early-life cry-cry cry cry-sis-crisis

Every time I feel content
a she devil undresses me
with her eyes
and life turns hell bent
Repetition has us on our last leg
I want to explore the slums
but I'll always have to beg
They are dying to break my heart
This is why I want to stay apart
I just want to hang with the boys again
but they all said their grown men
Like Spacey in American Beauty
regression is the only possibility
The idea of love makes me want to hide
since I'm unbalanced on the inside
I may not be man enough for the ride
Never met anyone more real
But I'm afraid I can no longer deal

Oh no
Is this gonna be my last kiss
before all I can do is reminisce
Just go
Intelligence isn't bliss
and I take no joy in knowing all of this
Far too many possess lives they regret
and I don't wanna risk that threat
Your love is something I'll forever miss
Just going through my
Early-life cry-cry cry cry-sis-crisis

Some move slow others fast
Two months have passed
And I don't mean to be a flake
but I realized I made a mistake
I dread the miserable day
when we went kaput
Since then I went on a date
but she was as smart as a foot
I'm not allowed to change my mind
cuz I heard through the grapevine
you and him already slept together
I suppose it's better that we sever
Looks like you needed change too
and I couldn't really blame you
The world's not full of too many good people
You are one of them
I was impulsive and threw it all away
I should've forced myself to stay
Instead I left slamming your door
Oh well, you deserve more

My early life crisis
cost
me
something
marvelous

Mid-twenties is the new forty. That's not a fact, but a new projection that I've come up with all by myself. And if I'm the only believer in these sentiments, fine. But I'd bet there are others.

These two age groups really aren't so different. Both are major turning points.
You start thinking about different things that you've never done or goals you haven't achieved and wonder if you're running out of time to make those dreams possible. Both ask if this is the life they imagined having.
The only difference is that one looks more foolish when riding a motorcycle or spending too much time in dance clubs.

With your twenties, you're really just starting out, trying to establish yourself, whether that be with romance or career goals. But it's the time to sort it all out. Extra pressure is put on you due to your peers. You even begin to see people making plans to (gasp) settle down?? It comes with the territory. There are scary moments.

So this is about myself feeling that pressure in different aspects of my life, specifically though how it affected my relationship with a wonderful girl. Timing is everything. That crappy cliche is true. Sometimes you meet the right person but at the wrong time. Maybe you're at a different place in your life which requires different needs. And that can be looked at as selfish. I thought it was. It is but it isn't. It's the lesser one of two evils. If there's ever a time to be selfish or too self involved, the best time would be when you're young. Obviously, being selfish for an eternity is also a stellar option for many. I wonder if they end up living happier lives. Maybe not.
Commitment really started to freak me out, which was such a strange feeling for me. When I was in my teens, I was one of the few that really got excited about the idea of settling down, being with one person, etc. But the older I got, and the more that I experienced first-hand and from the struggles of so many others, the wearier I became of the word. And I was starting to become someone I'd never imagine: A person who didn't believe in these long, meaningful love relationships.
And I started to get angry at friends for making decisions that, I thought, were too 'love driven'. I was one of those bitter individuals. I knew that there was a balance that I had to quickly discover before the bitterness and fear overtook me. I think I have finally found that middle-ground for now. But opinions always change as you grow.

Unfortunately, as documented, the lesson cost me something that possibly would never be the same again. Does that anxiousness or making a decision that benefits you at the expense of someone else's feelings, make you a bad person? It definitely does in someone's eyes.

They say you're a man when you get your heart broken and you break someone's heart. I can guarantee, from experience, that this did not make me a man. It made me feel two inches tall. But I learned from it and there's always a chance of forgiveness by others and forgiveness of yourself.

It's also about narcissism and how we tend to think we're too important than we actually are. That can work for you actually, as negative as it truly sounds. After all if you don't believe in yourself, who will? If you're not going to care about your future all that much, who will? Self importance and worth is vital, just going overboard is the slippery slope.

"it's not my fault. I'm having an early-life crisis.'



It's that time of year again
where something always go wrong
A trend that's been around for too long
Overtaken by the outdoor chill and my runny nose
I sit on the stoop as my uncertainty grows
She said we're not working out and I agree
She's nothing but a pretty face to me
An hour on the phone and not a word is said
Paranoia stated I was hanging by a thread
and in late november, the thread was cut
Welcome to my holiday rut

Someone give thanks for me
I'm about to have a pity party
because every thing's a mess
and I couldn't care less
I don't mean to be rude
but this water tastes like food
Hands shaking and my face turns pale
when I realize that you want me to fail
I thought you were a true friend
I'm sick for Thanksgiving again

One night I had some really bad Chinese
Head in the toilet and was on my knees
I received a phone call from my girl the love reaper
and told her to call after nine because it was cheaper
I wanted to delay her from dumping me for the 11th time
I'm convinced she just likes to keep me in check
And remind me who's in control as if anyone would really forget
A lady told her fortune and suggested we split the other day
Now I have to pull a miracle out of my ass just for her to stay
The sad thing is that I did

Someone give thanks for me
I'm about to have a pity party
because every thing's a mess
and I couldn't care less
I don't mean to be rude
but this water tastes like food
Hands shaking and my face turns pale
when I realize that you want me to fail
Don't know when the putrid streak will end
I'm sick for Thanksgiving again

Now I have a new girlfriend but I'm starting to panic
She tore me a new one because the milk I drank wasn't organic
Her head is harder than an infinite amount of rocks
We even fought over who got the last juice box
She had a bad day and I hate to see her sobbing
but my voice is shot and my throat is throbbing
I should've listened to her and worn that sweater
Also should've hid my porn stash better
That's right woah is me
But there's always room for turkey

Someone give thanks for me
I'm about to have a pity party
Because every thing's a mess
and I couldn't care less
I don't mean to be rude
But this water tastes like food
Don't know when the putrid streak will end
I'm sick for Thanksgiving again

I haven't had the best late November record. I have failed at life a lot during this time. It's like a curse. Thankfully, nothing Earth shattering has happened, but a lot of little things that I felt compelled to compile here. Broken hearts, bad arguments, etc. To top it off, I always seem to have some form of illness, typically a cold. But one of those really annoying ones where you use so many tissues, the skin around your nostrils starts to peel off.

It probably started about eight years ago. It's also been a great break up time for
other people. Oh, it's Thanksgiving time?! Let's give Jaime a hard time and A) Threaten to break up with him enough so that he sweats B) Break up with Jaime because a horoscope says so C) Cheat and then actually break up with Jaime or D) Argue with him about something really stupid even though you just started dating him. Ay! And try dealing with that on top of a really bad stomach ache from awful Chinese food that you knew that you shouldn't have eaten or a cold. You would be sick for Thanksgiving too!

This is the funniest one as it documents these crazy stories with each verse. Hopefully no one will get upset reading this. I love Thanksgiving. It's probably my second favorite holiday. The football games are always blowouts but the food is usually good. It has served as comfort food the last few years. BUT I'm happy to report this past holiday season was great. No complaints. Perhaps a new trend.



I've always wanted to become a decent writer
but I can't put to words exactly what you inspire
Just by the sensations of your kisses
There are no real odes that can ever do you justice
But I've failed at life many times in my life before
So it won't hurt my pride if it happens once more
Here it goes, with all sincerity
You are my everything, You complete me
Wait it's no use I changed my mind
Frustrated at the phrases I couldn't find

Everything I say just sounds cliche
like 'I think about you every night and day'
Everything I write down screams redundancies
like 'I know that you're my meant to be'
Describing how much that you mean to me
is like writing teenage poetry
Teenage Poetry

It's all been done many so times
Declaring how much I would give to make you mine
Truth is I don't own much so that's statement's not strong
It won't have the same effect as it does in those sappy songs
I could promise to give you the moon and stars to see
but I don't think you're a real big fan of astrology
I've been wracking my brain for quite a while
but everything I put on paper seems juvenile
Creativity leads to insanity
Being generic can bring you to your knees
I sat down to try and write you a masterpiece
It just turned out to be a giant piece of cheese
like one of those bad romance novels
Think I'll throw away the pen and just grovel

Everything I say just sounds cliche
like 'I think about you every night and day'
Everything I write down screams redundancies
like 'I know that you're my meant to be'
Describing how much that you mean to me
is like writing teenage poetry
Teenage Poetry

I could say something about your eyes
but nothing that would come as a surprise
I could tell you how much I adore your smile
or that it hurts when I don't see you for a while
But it's so tedious it annoys you by now
I'll never make you go wow
Yet like a virgin after he scores
you make me want much more
Oh that's mature

Everything I say just sounds cliche
like 'I think about you every night and day'
Everything I write down screams redundancies
like 'I know that you're my meant to be'
Describing how much that you mean to me
is like writing teenage poetry
Teenage Poetry

I came up with this idea during my first creative writing class at BC in the spring of 2006. The professor read a sample of my writing aloud to the class. Thankfully he read it anonymously because he tore me a new one. He bashed every syllable of it. I forgot what the specific piece was about, but it really discouraged me and I had two initial reactions. I wanted to either prove to him (and myself) that I could write insightful, interesting pieces or quit writing all together, even for recreational purposes. I even wanted to drop the class. I know that sounds like a juvenile reaction, for one man's harsh opinion to alter such a passion. But that's how I felt. I stayed in the class and thankfully, was able to write a short story that he really enjoyed. I had to meet with him in his office and I was nervous. He said, "This is pretty good." He hated a few other short stories before that good one and told me to my face.

But the process of writing that one good story that he liked was hell. I went through so many ideas, crumpled countless sheets of papers (don't kill me environmentalists) and couldn't come up with anything remotely decent. I laughed at some of the writing because it was such garbage.

Finally, like at 2 in the morning I thought of this fun idea about a high school phenom baseball player. I only wrote 6 pages of the story. But that's all that was required and he gave me an A-. But that buildup is something I'll never forget. I still wasn't completely satisfied after all that.

So Teenage Poetry represents the struggle of having intense writers block. It's that same struggle I endured throughout the entire first half of this writing process with Monday Morning. I was trying to write a love song of some sort. I did one called 'Not This Time' and I thought it was really good when I first finished it. Then I read it the next day with a clearer head and some sleep under my belt, and I loathed it. It sounded cliche, redundant and something straight out of a 13 year-old's journal, not to knock young people's work. I'm sure lots of it is amazing. I was afraid that I wasn't going to be able to think of fresh ideas to describe someone that I deeply care for. An epiphany followed...Why not write about the very frustration that's preventing me from creating something that would impress this lady friend? The result was a proper portrayal of the hair pulling experience.



To think it would all be so easy
I...
To believe we'd really have that cup of coffee
I must...
To feel that you'd be my new beginning
I must have...
To find the answers in idealizing flings
I must have been...
To think there could be no rules
without a loved one acting cruel
I must have been delusional
delusional
and I wish I still was

My false sense of purpose is fading
The days are as callous as speed dating
Mid-January and I try to plan a summer trip
but I can't stop the quivering of my lower lip
because this funk isn't just seasonal
Maybe I've become too reasonable
I looked at some photographs of you and me
but nostalgia isn't what it used to be
She used to be my teenage escape
I don't know if she could relate
Now you're in my life and it's nice
but experience comes at a price
People get tired and so will you
Is that annoying cliche really true
Is ignorance bliss
All you have to do is reminisce
and you'll find the solution
Brilliant people are the crazy ones
But I guess I'm an exception
(Coo-coo but not too bright)
I long to live a life consisting of a series
of delusions

To think it would all be so easy
To believe we'd really have that cup of coffee
To feel that you'd be my new beginning
To find the answers in idealizing flings
To think there could be no rules
without a loved one acting cruel
I must have been delusional
delusional
and I wish I still was

There's no such thing as fate
But you can always find a soul-less mate
You seem attracted to me
and I really love your company
but at some point, you'll find me a bore
At the same time, I'll want more
It's all about how I can make you feel
Has me thinking this love may not be real
It's either lust or bust
Don't mean to sound burned
but you die and you learn
She smiled so wide
Yet her facial expressions lied
I've seen it make the strong regress
and turn them into an emotional mess
Love holds little to no clout
when it condones so much doubt
I envy those who feel otherwise
even if it may be their demise

To think it would all be so easy
To believe we'd really have that cup of coffee
To feel that you'd be my new beginning
To find the answers in idealizing flings
To think there could be no rules
without a loved one acting cruel
I must have been delusional
delusional
and I wish I still was

The city of angels isn't very kind
I used to see it differently in my mind
Oh well, for those who still believe
Enjoy it, and it's brief beauty

This is one of the gloomier outlooks within the whole project. It's a great foul mood piece. And I did write this during a really foul mood. It takes the old saying of 'ignorance is bliss' and just runs with it. I know that I'm still naive and have lots to learn, but I reflect and realize that I was even more ignorant about so many things just a few years ago, or even a few days ago. I'd like to have all the answers, but I'm not ashamed to admit that I don't. This is based on beliefs I thought to be true but quickly figured how wrong I was, such as thinking that dealing with the real world would be easy, or that a person part of your past would keep a promise, or that you would even want them to.

It's unfortunate when you know the truth about someone or you figure out how sad situations turn out. Your parents lie to you about Santa Clause as a child but at least you believe in something stupid that makes you happy for a small portion of your life during the holiday season. The 'truth' just spoils your inspiration to believe in some beautiful moments since you start to feel it's all temporary, all a tease. It really can make you jaded. Yes, every situation is different, but why the hell does it always have to end the exact same way? I just want to say,"I'm done with this. I've seen this play out. I know how it's going to end and I don't want to be a part of it.' On a lighter note, that doubt can make life more interesting when your belief is rejuvenated. When something happens that just changes your whole philosophy is mind-blowing and worth all the doubt. And you realize that every once and a while, it's okay to be delusional.

Because the clearer you see, the more common sense you have, the easier that life can leave you in ruins.



If you wait a day too late
just sit back and masturbate
because I fell asleep behind the wheel
There's always photos of Jessica Biel
Going nuts cuz If only I'd known then
My chance wouldn't have been stolen
I want to ease the pain tonight
All I have here is half a Coors Light
If you really want to know
I'll rewind to two days ago
Regret is what it's all about
It's when I started to black out
The stars made it hard to see
Yes, I'm in my twenties
My palms were sweaty
I realized I wasn't ready
At least not yet
I wrote the words down so I won't forget
for tomorrow when I finally tell you
If I don't think of a thousand excuses not to
Like a story straight out of a generic sitcom
I can't believe I just continue to bomb

I wanted to ask to see you tomorrow
but tomorrow came too late
It's a familiar feeling, this sorrow
Why did I have to procrastinate
If I could travel to the past
I would have gotten inside you fast
and I mean your heart, not just your pants
Perhaps we never had a chance
Shouldn't have been surprised with what I'd see
So now the question should be
What are you doing yesterday
What are you doing yesterday
What are you... What are you...
Doing yesterday
It's okay
I'll just ask another day

The following day, I was waiting outside
When you came I was ready to run and hide
But somehow managed to stay
Was lightheaded but was going to find a way
I told you a few jokes that didn't land
Then decided to abort the desperate plan
I would've asked for a goodbye kiss
if I wasn't so damn cowardice
This is starting to get tedious
But I know tomorrow it will change forever
And I could celebrate this endeavor
with you next to me

I wanted to ask to see you tomorrow
but tomorrow came too late
It's a familiar feeling, this sorrow
Why did i have to procrastinate
If I could travel to the past
I would have gotten inside you fast
I mean your heart, not only your pants
Perhaps we never had a chance
Shouldn't have been surprised with what I'd see
So now the question should be
What are you doing yesterday
What are you doing yesterday
What are you... What are you...
Doing yesterday
It's okay
I'll just ask another day

No more bumps in the road
I woke up this morning in determined mode
No doubt in my mind this was the day
Without a hitch, I walked into the cafe
You had the biggest smile on your face
Given the time of day, the jubilation seemed misplaced
It looked like you just had a hot night of sex
You said you had the greatest talk with your ex
and that you followed all of my advice
Then thanked me for being so nice
She showed me the ring on her finger
Boy is this one going to linger
I faked the smile and told you I was happy
A painful lesson for me
Spend less time saying things you don't mean
Even if it may comfort or flatter
Get to the things that truly matter

I wanted to ask to see you tomorrow
but tomorrow came too late
It's a familiar feeling, this sorrow
Why did i have to procrastinate
If I could travel to the past
I would have gotten inside you fast
I mean your heart, not only your pants
Perhaps we never had a chance
Shouldn't have been surprised with what I'd see
So now the question should be
What are you doing yesterday
What are you doing yesterday
What are you... What are you...
It's okay
I'll just ask another day

Procrastination.Hesitation.Humor.Sadness.Regret.

That sums up this one. Not everything needs a long explanation.



We've never been on the same page
so forgive me and my inappropriate rage
but I recently discovered our unfortunate fate
Like always I figured it all out way too late
For so long I've been your emotional slave
and here you are, dancing on my grave
You're either oblivious or unkind
Even if you're both I don't seem to mind
but I adored just hanging for a few hours
It held this genuine excitement and power
Like the ashes that sprinkle off your cigarette
memories that will be irrelevant enough to forget
These days it's all too frighteningly serene
not watching you have your fix of caffeine
Laughing at the songs you played in your car
We were never close and physically far
My ego or heart keeps asking why not me
Deep down I knew I wasn't your cup of tea
I hate that phrase but it says it all
Compared to these feelings, my efforts were small
Before you become a mystery again
I have things to say before the end

During the day
you block the sun from shining
and destroy silver linings
At night
I look up at the polluted sky
only to see darkness with my naked eye
It's more peaceful having a clearer atmosphere
now that my number one illusion has disappeared
But you know that I'll always care
So let's lay on the grass and stare
at the stars that won't align
one more time

Every now and then, we'll cross each other's paths
spare a few moments and share some laughs
But when I feel your shoulder, will it be cold
Maybe if you were more open or I had been bold
We kept running in circles around the revolving doors
And got in our own ways of having so much more
I guess you really do get what you give
We were so afraid of dying that we never lived
A cell phone always glued to your ear
Got thrills and chills knowing you were near
Sitting on the steps
talking about our problems in depth
Laughed about you being attracted to douche bags
yet the obstacles between us will always drag
It looked like you had two hours of sleep
You never took me serious but I won't weep
Although there was always another
I'll still miss when we argued with each other
We counted the days till we could leave this place
It never occurred to me that I'd miss your face
When I tell myself I'm numb I lie
Just another anticlimactic goodbye

During the day
you block the sun from shining
and destroy silver linings
At night
I look up at the polluted skies
only to see darkness with my naked eyes
It's more peaceful having a clearer atmosphere
now that my number one illusion has disappeared
But you know that I'll always care
Let's lay on the grass and stare
at the stars that won't align
one more time

All those lovely walks
I just wanted to talk
Wanted to pick your brain
Was in a lot of pain
One day of talk made me forget
Kiss it goodbye along with the regrets

Two people that click and have deep seeded feelings for each other but can't get their destinies to align together. So nothing happens. And love is wasted. That is what this one is about. It happens a lot more than you think. In fact, I feel there are more couples that care about each other and don't blossom than ones that do. It's probably the most tragic thing in terms of love relationships because it's just plain regret. And you end up asking questions such as: Where would I have been?

These questions eat you up inside. If you're cheated on, it hurts. If you're broken up with, it hurts. If you break up with someone, it's putrid. But never knowing leaves a painful feeling of numbness and indifference because there's nothing inside the memory bank despite potential. It's a classic human tragedy. I think that when this happens, you become complacent. And you stop taking chances. You stop taking risks. Because you let that first one get away. Then you start to form excuses why you should let more opportunities pass you. And you do. And then life passes you by. You finally realize you want to start taking chances again, especially, on people, but you feel it's too late. I feel depressed just at the thought alone. It's worse than getting your heart smashed, worse than any rejection. There are instances where two people share this regret. Maybe they said things which altered their entire destiny together. A few words or one scenario can turn love into just friends or nothing at all. Or not saying something at the right time for that matter

But I have different inspirations in this one, from personal experience to friends to strangers. Believe it or not, an episode of the Office inspired me to write this. It's a universal story. Stars that won't align.

We're getting in your car/driving to Caesar's Bay Bizarre/I just got a promotion but it's unclear where/I don't recognize the face/Cuz I only see the tip of her nose and long hair/I don't think this is a dream or nightmare/I start to get confused when we finally get there/Because I am suddenly in San Diego/ and being hit on by the same girl that I don't know/She gives me a folded note that reads, 'here's my lil hint for you'/ I ask her what she wants to do/ I'm suddenly wearing a Mets championship shirt/ And am on the floor starting up her skirt/She's begging for me to beg and flirt/and I gracefully comply/If this isn't real I'm going to cry/My best friend is there and uncontrollably laughs/I'm starting to feel her wrath/As she starts to get really kinky/Says she wants to throw me around like a slinky/I smile and ask 'Do I even know you'/She responds 'It doesn't matter because I'm about to blow...

(Alarm goes off and eyes opens)


It wasn't real and it was just starting to get good/ Now I have morning wood/
Time to wake up/Time to start anew/Nothing else to say except for this/I love you

MONDAY MORNING