WHERE'S MY STICKER?

For Georgina. For Charlie.



1988
Pre-Kindergarten

A math exercise was taking place in the classroom. Students were asked to count little cubes aloud.

Those that successfully participated received a sticker for their work.

After the exercise, everyone received a sticker...

...except myself.

I asked the female teacher, "Where's my sticker?"

The teacher responded, "You didn't count along with the rest of the class."

But I did.

I then sat in a corner and sobbed.

First disappointment.

Little did my small brain know that there would be MANY more of those to come.

Yes, I still remember it.

Sad.

But this is dedicated not to me, but to those who never got what they truly deserved.

Especially in this day and age...

...you all deserve your stickers.

Enjoy.







1. The Numb Lungs Return
2. Cab Ride
3. Just A Dog
4. Turn Off The News
5. Her (Not So) Subtle Hints
6. Terminal Adolescence
7. The Latter
8. Was
9. Twenty-Ten 101
10. Flip The Switch
11. Pilot Episode
12. Avid
13. February 30th
14. Where's My Sticker?
15. Wet Blanket
16. You Don't Know Me...
17. Freeze Tag
18. Viretta Park
19. Distracted
20. Flea Market
21. Again
22. Expiration Date



Dreams are alive on a humid summer night
There are no more dirty fingernails left to bite
It's a race against time and rational thought
These anxieties I've pretended to have fought
I'm bouncing inside but on the outside I'm mellow
These obnoxious songs are blasting on the radio
I'd muster up the energy to turn it off but whatever
More pressing matters since I'm barely holding it all together
The end of the Williamsburg Bridge is becoming my enemy
The clock was quickly moving towards 9:30
I suddenly contemplated turning around
since my heart felt like it gained 4 pounds
I should've gone to Flushing instead
Self deprecating thoughts enter my head
I'm so over psyched and wishing I was in a slumber
But I'll be as cool as a cucumber
Of course I'm dripping with sarcasm
These are my issues
it feels like nobody else has 'em
I saw her in the corner nursing her drink
She's a doll and my heart started to sink
and then it started to happened...

Oh this is great Oh this is rich
For the next 20 minutes I'm anxiety's bitch
The numb lungs return
The numb lungs return
In my mind I've left no stone unturned
I simultaneously feel the chill and the burn
Those numb lungs return

The sign reads communication skills are a must
I've been out of it for so long I'm starting to show rust
There are cures but to no one's surprise
None of them come without compromise
No worries it's a role which I revel in
Like the lovable losers that you pray win
A cold winter morning and the lower level reeks of breakfast food
Four separate stomach pains doesn't translate into the best mood
I approach my preconceived doom as I walk up the stairs
Why am I stressing while peers don't really care
I have that 'I wish I was with the crowd' kind of feeling
The damn mark is still on the hallway ceiling
I could use the answer and blame genetics
But that wouldn't explain me being so incompetent
Blaming it on any one reason would be a bit of a reach
I'm getting ready for that already disastrous speech
Her voice soothes me when it's not boiling my blood
Now this tool is going to kick me though I'm already in the mud
He's going to ask if I was born here
And they say I make up these fears
I don't think I'm that creative
Four projects later still afraid to live

Don't be rude Don't be a snitch
For the next 20 minutes I'm anxiety's bitch
The numb lungs return
The numb lungs return
In my mind I've left no stone unturned
I simultaneously feel the chill and the burn
When those numb lungs return

One look in your eyes
and the day glistens
Unfortunately
You'll hear but never listen
All you did was ask me paranoid much?
These days we all need our personal crutch
Who returned was a ghost from the past
A nice taste but nothing that was ever made to last
For one spring night the sky's the limit
We would reminisce as we would just sit
It didn't last and time really did tell
After that one and only short kiss
Although she was physically near
Mentally in a different stratosphere
I again went in that torturous spell

Oh this is great Oh this is rich
For the next 20 minutes I'm anxiety's bitch
The numb lungs return
The numb lungs return
In my mind I've left no stone unturned
I simultaneously feel the chill and the burn
Those numb lungs return

Oh this is great this is rich
for the next x amount of years I'm anxiety's bitch

Let's get further inside
One fall evening I bit the bate and took this cab ride

Cab Ride...cab ride...cab ride...

NOTES: The Numb Lungs Return reads as a story that has two parts to it. This is obviously the first one. And to put it simply, it serves as a timeline for a few semi-significant events that have occurred in my life over the past year and a half. On first glance, the title makes no sense. And even after I explain it, it still might not. But here it goes. For years, when attempting to write about moments of nervous energy, stress and anxiety, I often tried to hone in on the physical aspect. I always found it fascinating how the mind can affect the body, seamlessly for some. And the power an event can have on your health. So breathing is one of the most common and noticeable effects. During a situation when it feels the nerves are working overtime, at least for me, my lungs feel similar to when my foot falls asleep. There's a slight tingling sensation and they feel temporally immobilized. So I've used the phrase in past lines. It has a nice ring to it due to the rhyming. I thought I'd be good to make it the central part of a piece. Coincidentally, all the moments I wanted to discuss occurred during a different season. So structurally, it worked. 3 verses, each discussing a different time of year (summer, winter, spring). Fall is saved for the second part of the piece called Cab Ride.

Each topic is pretty self explanatory. The first part of the song (summer) discusses a blind meet of some sort. Can't say date because it didn't really worked that way. Don't really want to get into it because I don't want to get in trouble...Just know that I was a nervous mess.

The second part has nothing to do with a girl but none the less, scary times. This was more of a general feeling than a specific moment. I guess you can call it professional/career sector. I combined moments from a job fair I attended (I'd rather give blood. Those are rough) with a news writing class I took during my senior year of college. I strongly disliked this particular professor. And it wasn't because I received a poor grade. I did well in it. But what a dick... There were only about 2 professor I really loathed and he was on of them.

The third part is about a reintroduction of an early childhood crush. This was quite the interesting and strange encounter. I don't know what else to say other than time flies. Wow... And the line about her being in another stratosphere says it all.

The end serves as a cliffhanger for the second part, which covers the 4th season and was one of the more nerve wrecking moments, so stay tuned...



...cab ride...cab ride...cab ride

On this crazy night during late fall
sipping a glass of beer that's quite tall
I'm getting weak and it's happening quicker
but it has nothing to do with the liquor
She thinks I've changed and she thinks wrong
Never been known for keeping a scam going long
Without my heart I'm of no value or use
but she just won't let me be a recluse
Amazing how much can change in an hour
I'll let her think I'm calm, that my stomach isn't sour
After that moment on the corner and that look
I'm gonna have to pick up a self help book
An innocent love that turned taboo
and we'll know what just to do
The adrenaline it makes you feel
One night won't be such a big deal
Don't know how long this night will last
With sexuality people can make such a fuss
This cabbie is going pretty damn fast
but not nearly as fast as us

Can't believe we're ready to go
I'm unstable but can't let her know
that I'm this nervous wreck inside
during this improbable cab ride
Spontaneity translates into fear
This may not go down as our best idea
but it's too late to run and hide
during this unlikely cab ride

Trying to suppress my reservations but they show
and right now whatever my head says goes
Which head you ask? I can't say
But I've been staring at her all day
In the car nonsensical ads are on the tv screen
His driving is making my face turn green
I then glance to study her facial expression
She's much better about keeping her discretion
Putting in danger this heart I try to protect
I guess I'm about to live and let resurrect
The food I digested isn't being very kind
I've told lies to myself so many times
just look at the size of my nose
As we near the anticipation grows
I've hated myself for missing her face
Everything looks strange and out of place
I see the number and it reads "62"
Oh to just lust or trust you...

Can't believe we're ready to go
I'm unstable but can't let her know
that I'm this nervous wreck inside
during this improbable cab ride
Spontaneity translates into fear
This may not go down as our best idea
but it's too late to run and hide
during this unlikely cab ride

At your place our minds' in the gutter and polluted
Things are about to get that much more convoluted

NOTES: This is an extension from The Numb Lungs Return and picks up right where that one left off. It's the fall and I tell a story that I certainly never thought I'd ever tell. In fact, the older me would be angry if I did. That's the beauty of life, at times. It's that you can plan somethings, most things. But it's those moments of surprises (the good ones) that make life worth dealing with.

The best way to describe this piece is being in a room with countless amount of caution signs. And going against every single of one them. I'm more frightful than the next guy, but I admit there can be some excitement with that. Don't you guys know? I'm the rebel. Ha! I guess it's because I'm not that type is why it generates that excitement. It's a fight against yourself that maybe you don't want to win. That makes no sense. But neither does love or lust. It's about an unexpected reunion and the envelope keeps being pushed. It all leads to a ride in a taxi cab where the logical part of you is freaking yourself out and asking you 'what the hell are you doing?' That's when the nerves kick in and the anxiety. That's why it's a sequel to TNLR. All have to do with these standout crazy moments that happen about a few times a year. That could be a gift or curse....

There are a lot of references to my stomach and how it's so incredibly weak, especially during moments like these. It's a big part of the physicality aspect of these significant moments. In this particular scenario, the nerves come from vulnerability. It's like if the bubble boy left his bubble and becomes immediately sensitive to natural things like fresh air.

Writing the piece was rewarding because it helped me reflect and attempt to make some sort of sense of a situation that was hard to do so at the time. It's got a tad of humor, perhaps I should've added more. It includes the element of confusion and has a double-edge sword kind of vibe which is what I was really pushing for when writing it.



Pick up the shattered pieces of my soul
Make sure there's cold water in the bowl
Is it normal for this to be so insanely tough
14 years is a long time but not long enough
Can I have those years back
so I could put memories in a jar and tighten the lid
Our eyes met when I was just a dorky kid
In the moments when I felt utterly alone
I'd lay next to you with half of a milk bone
and suddenly those nights got a little better
When I flunked tests received rejection letters
During ended loves illnesses and injuries
I knew you would still be there to greet me
Your love for us was the one constant
Then I heard your fate in the doctor's thick accent
As I enter the house I have to close the gate
Oh the pain that I tried to alleviate
The preparation that failed miserably
Without you this home is so damn empty

I know it's getting harder for you to breath
but I beg you not to leave
I'm not much of a man but
you've been a best friend
I never want this simple bond to end
and because it has to
Know I hate this world and I love you
but you're just a dog
Just a dog
Just a dog
Just a dog that meant everything

I knew it was time to let you go
Out of reflex I look out the front window
to see that you're still there
so I'd encourage you to run up the stairs
This devastation is a battle and I'm losing the fight
I knew the end was near that last night
As I was on my knees and my tears hit your face
Oh the sad face that will never be replaced
It's all been torn apart
so euthanize a part of my heart
because I'll never be the same
By accident I yelled out your name
To see the light in your eyes disappear
I walk inside the room and you're not here
I saw when I was just a mere child
an angel in disguise of an animal gone wild
Don't know if I'll ever see you again
If not then I'm prepared to have
those memories immortalized
far greater than any video or photograph

I know it's getting harder for you to breath
but I beg you not to leave
I'm not much of a man but
you've been a best friend
I never want this simple bond to end
and because it has to
Know I hate this world and I love you
but you're just a dog
Just a dog
Just a dog
Just a dog that meant everything

As my body starts to tremble
and imitates the breakdown it resembles
Sadness that time can't ever fix
Nineteen Ninety Six
you came to me
Charlie
You made the type of impact most
can only dream to make on others
My baby My love My brother

I have no choice but to grieve
because time made you leave
I'm not much of a man but
you've been a best friend
I never wanted this simple bond to end
and because it had to
Know I hate this world and I love you
but you're just a dog
Just a dog
Just a dog
Just a dog that meant everything to us

NOTES: This was the easiest song to write strictly in terms of finding inspiration and words to describe my feelings. In the little space and words I used, I felt that I hit every point, from detail to describing emotions. And I did so in fast fashion. Having said that, it was also the most difficult to sit through and actually re read what I had created. I literally had a tissue box next to me as I typed away. I was basically done with the writings for this particular project, but once this all happened, I had to do something to honor Charlie.

I'm writing this testimonial about 7 days after he had left us and my weak heart still breaks every time I think of my beloved furry friend. And I think of him very often. I've called out his name accidently, waited for him to greet me when I got home, etc.

It marked the end of an era, and the passing of one of my best friends. I don't want to label myself as a loner, but especially as a teenager I really felt these spurts of isolation and loneliness like a lot of us have. For a shy individual like myself, dogs can truly be your saving grace. For instance, freshman year of high school was a particular tough moment for me in terms of vulnerability and feeling alone. I can't tell you how many nights he cheered me up, and for that, I'm forever grateful for his presence in my life. Because of him, my childhood was fulfilled. After that day when we took him to the vet to say one final goodbye, I learned that you can't prepare yourself for bad news like this to try to minimize the grief. You will fail.

There are these moments that happen in your life, good or bad, that you'll never be able to shake off or forget. And by that I mean you remember every little detail. This was one of those moments. There are details that I'm afraid I just can't share. I was absolutely devastated. At that moment, the world felt so small. ANd I wanted to go somewhere to escape, but there was no where...

For those who don't think a dog can make an everlasting impression in one's life...well, who really cares about that bogus opinion?

I remember what the weather was like, the grief on my family's faces, the lobby at the vet, the look on one of the employee's face when she saw a Puerto Rican family of four enter the building as if our world had come to an end...I just can't elaborate. Perhaps too soon at the moment.

To the best friend a boy could ever ask for. Here's hoping that I'll see you again in some way or form. And as stated in the piece, if we don't, that changes nothing. You hold a permanent place in my heart for the joy that you not only brought myself, but my mother and father as well. Thank you Charlie.



I've heard a million reasons why not to leave your home
World's a scary place in the new age of unknown
After seeing that incident I don't think I'll be leaving
I'll watch the news instead as it exploits the grieving
These networks seem to have no shame
because to them it's just a ratings game
All day they see what they can sensationalize
These next 35 minutes will lead to my demise
Tune in
So I can see who's cruel enough
to beat and rob an old lady
Who wins
when we obsess over a young suburban mother
who killed her baby
Graphic images of the recent plane crash
Hit run and potential is erased in a flash
How could that alcoholic be so careless
Good samaritan gets shot in the ghetto
for delivering food to the homeless
They say he should've trusted his intuition
He had big plans that never came to fruition
And he had a kid on the way which make matters more tragic
By the end of the broadcast think I'm going to be sick

Now tell me what planet I'm really on
To get back what can I do?
What can I do?
What can I do?
Turn off the news!

Who's grave and who's critical?
For a moment let's be analytical
Why do we need to hear all these stories?
I tuned in for yet another anniversary
to hear testimonials that will shatter your heart
and tear your priorities apart
Her son was told that it wouldn't affect the south tower
The next spot featured a cop that abused his power
and another officer killed senselessly
His family attempted to talk through the tears
Is this all for knowledge For drama For fear?
A family's hard earned money gone in a scam
followed by her injury and a show all diagram
Statistics showed violence is increasing on the trains
I don't even need to indulge in the fear regarding planes
No matter what you do it's all a risk
Too much information can make anyone insane

Now tell me what planet I'm really on
To get back what can I do?
What can I do?
What can I do?
Turn off the news!

During a recession crime tends to rise faster
She said as she callously moved on to the next disaster
A reporter was on site when they ruled his death a homicide
Segue into a crane falling on an apartment with a man still inside
I used to feel safe at home until I saw the burglary
I think I'll open my eyes during the filler at 11:33
like how the fireman got the cat from the top of the tree
The internet is a great place to witness identity theft
He didn't tell her how much he loved her before she left
Whether it's all necessary or not
This information movement leaves us not surprised
For most it's enough to make one desensitized
but it seems that I have the adverse effect

NOTES: The title says it all... but I'll ramble about it anyway. That's what I do. I used to be a fan of late local news. I found it very important to be informed of what was taking place around my giant city. I would argue with friends that hated it. But for the last 3 or so years, I don't know what it is, enhanced paranoia, being more aware, getting older, or worse things happening, but I just can't get myself to sit down for 35 minutes and watch it. The featured stories have been too much to handle. Kids getting killed for no reason, car accidents, bad neighborhoods getting worse. I really felt it tug at not only my heart, but the brain. It makes you not want to do anything other than investing in a bubble to spend the rest of your days in. So naturally, I don't want to do that so I simply either walk away or change the channel. It's a strange thing. I don't know why it's affected me more now. And other than fear, I get angry. Angry at the news departments for salivating at some of these brutal stories. Tragedies are the name of the game for these programs. It is what keeps the engine running. Think about it. When do you hear about the 'good' news? Well, if you're watching at 11pm, you'll hear about it likely at 11:34. They consider it filler, unimportant. At least that's how it feels to me. I wanted to write my new fear of the news in a creative manner in hopes that I'll find some people that will agree. I didn't want to indulge into specific stories, but I had specific ones in mind when writing it. It's timeless in the ideas. So if I discuss a man beating an old lady for cash, yes I'm thinking of a specific story, but you can bet a steak dinner that it will happen again. Same with a plane crash, crane disaster, insane mother, etc. It serves as a laundry list of stories and then I ask myself, "Am I really on the right planet?" This world is so damn insane and the news is right there to remind us. Maybe it's okay to not know every single detail. But it's getting harder to do that. So much technology and media sources. Some better than others. Either way, It's over saturation and I'm trying not to be a part of it as much. Information is important but to an extent. And this writing draws that line. The only solution? Turn Off The News!!



Buzz me in
I'm prepared for our new war
as I stare at the rust on the front door
In the hallway I said hi to a neighbor I've never met
I waved while I stared down at the dirty carpet
I'm not stubborn enough to say I have no regrets
In fact I have a 4 page list
Half are opportunities I've missed
We're both tired of playing bully
So let's outgrow each other gracefully
That night
A far cry from euphoric state
when first entering the hotel lobby
That night
I let my sorrows get the best of me
That night
I was left surprised
That night
Didn't know how hard I cried

Months later
Not afraid to remind me of all I've done wrong
She'll sing the tales from contemporary songs
The ones chock full of lyrics about moving on
We've freed ourselves from our once strong bond
Now asking me why her dates act certain ways
I guess life's about whatever gets you through the day
Despite the fights we got to do more than most
Now you've found a new travel partner for the west coast
Lose my memory and think of me as a ghost
A new aura and feel resides in Chelsea
But I understand why she won't hesitate to give me
Her not so subtle hints

It is sunrise and bloodshot eyes ensue
Waking to the sound of families playing horseshoes
Longing for those few nights in the blue tent
Of course I said things I never meant
I won't apologize for the eventual lukewarm thrills
It was all a matter of us just standing still
Lost in the dark abandoned supermarket
In the back room I can contemplate those regrets
Our denial is no better than fool's gold
Things fall apart even if you do what you're told
I could've done more but I could've done less
You know it's time to go when a couple starts to regress
We drove one another crazy but
that deterrent hasn't stopped anyone before
Now that it's all said and done
Tell me how in the end you won

Not afraid to remind me of all I've done wrong
She'll sing the tales from contemporary songs
The ones chock full of lyrics about moving on
We've freed ourselves from our once strong bond
Now asking me why her dates act certain ways
I guess life's about whatever gets you through the day
Despite the fights we got to do a lot more than most
Now you've found a new travel partner for the west coast
Lose my memory and think of me as a ghost
That aura and feel will forever resides in Chelsea
But I understand why she won't hesitate to give me
Her not so subtle hints

No more need to overreact
Please save the dozen dead lilacs
I can walk away but can't help but turn around
New phase but I still hear every sound
Her not so subtle hints
They get me every time

NOTES: I really enjoyed creating the title for this one. I'm probably wrong but it sounds clever on my part. I wanted to write something about keeping in touch with someone that once held a significant part in your life. I came up with two writings but this was the first one written. it's not an angry or even sad piece. It's about different people finding different ways to cope with absence. People are always changing and sometimes you want friends to know that change is happening. I've done this as well as countless others. This is about being on the receiving end of someone dropping hints your way about them being over you. As stated in the title they're somewhat subtle, whether it be a song dedication that someone feels tells their life story or specific situation or whether it be a question like, 'why do guys like this or that?' Sometimes, people don't think that's hurtful because of the circumstance, but it can be. No worries though. It's a part of moving on, and no matter who you are or what you've been through, most of us are always trying to move on from significant moments life have to offers. Moving on from getting fired, break ups, deaths, divorces, etc. And if you can find a way to aid that transition, then you should go for it. For me, that aid is often writing (and the Mets, although they enhance that pain. More on that later...)

I tried a few different tactics in this piece. The first part is very descriptive and specific in terms of feelings and setting (apartment building). The chorus is pretty lengthy but I am satisfied with how it came out, as it describes what the hints actually are but in not too specific fashion, which I feel will help the reader relate. Overall, there are specific moments on file (horseshoes, tent) but there are also obscure lines in there to try and expand my writing. For the most part, it's straightforward.

It's not a justification, just a tale of a friendship that eventually took a turn and the uncertainty that lays ahead for both parties after that turn. Hope it hits home for others out there.



Slowly and not so surely I'm still growing
I proposed to Ms. lucky using a mood ring
The color estimated that she became infuriated
But I personally find flawless diamonds overrated
I'm never at a place where I'm called mister
and I'm hated by my girlfriend's sister
If I were her sibling even I wouldn't approve
I have yet to hit the maturation groove
I trade museums and ruins for theme parks and ball games
In no way bragging this is just a way to display my shame
Today I thanked the lord for lady luck
cuz I caught up to the ice cream truck
I worry more about new gadgets than cars
I reminisce to the simple days I was bored in PR
Where I watched Short Circuit 2 so much the tape broke
I have the ability to turn serious scenarios into a lame joke
I attended many classes that put me in a coma
that proved to be more useless than the actual diploma
The professor advised that I show and not just tell
As I stared at the clock waiting to exit that living hell

Am I apathetic or should I just erase the 'a'
I'm usually not the type to seize the day
My muscles are weaker than my resume
Still following the same 12 year old template
What's the big deal if I'm a few minutes late
Learned a thing or two yet still naive
Too itchy to stay still but too scared to leave
So here I am, at my parents' expense
suffering from terminal adolescence

I get anxious and feel small watching the go getter
Also more prone to communicate better in a letter
like love notes that ask 'Do you like me? circle yes or no'
To the dismay of many I am paced extremely slow
I never saw the point in a firm handshake
or wine parties that feel contrived or fake
I'm worse at those than reading comprehension
They say life isn't about always having fun
but whoopie cushions still make me laugh
Get jealous when there's someone I can't have
Sitting on the Astroturf padded stoop with my best friend
Good times and in my mind they have yet to end
Waiting for inspiration that turns one driven
I adore her smile but that's a given
It seems more impossible than prepping for the GRE
more misunderstandings than an episode of Three's Company
Going through cabin fever and in dire need of fresh air
Went to the comic convention and ditched the job fair
Let's make love before noon
so we can make room for Saturday morning cartoons

Am I apathetic or should I just erase the 'a'
I'm usually not the type to seize the day
My muscles are weaker than my resume
Still following the same 12 year old template
What's the big deal if I'm a few minutes late
Learned a thing or two yet still naive
Too itchy to stay still but too scared to leave
So here I am, at my parents' expense
suffering from terminal adolescence

Paranoid
Unemployed
I try to focus on what she's saying
Instead I picture her in the nude
Regress
Mess
Juvenile
If you don't match a certain style
people can be so fucking rude

Am I apathetic or should I just erase the 'a'
I'm usually not the type to seize the day
My muscles are weaker than my resume
Still following the same 12 year old template
What's the big deal if I'm a few minutes late
Learned a thing or two yet still naive
Too itchy to stay still but too scared to leave
So here I am, at my parents' expense
suffering from terminal adolescence

NOTES: One of the last ones I wrote, this poem describes the sometimes difficult habits to break in order to reach adulthood. I had Ramones I Don't Wanna Grow Up (I realize it's a cover, but that's how I know the song) on the brain when writing this. I wanted to try my luck at a more personal and comedic version of it. It was the inspiration. Because I wanted humor, not every line is factual, at least in my life. I've never proposed to a woman, but I wanted to mix childish behavior with adult behavior and see what you get. So a moon ring represents a piece of 'jewelry' that you may give a first love or a first crush. And to propose with it at age where women demand, and at times deserve, a much nicer piece of jewelry. The result is anger on the other side. Another example of that is the line towards the end that discuss watching Saturday morning cartoons after having had a very intimate morning. Never done that, more so because I'm probably not up early enough for them or I'm at Shea, but a great example of immaturity trying to blend and coexist with maturity.
And that's how the rest of the piece goes.

I also deliberately thought about specific childhood memories just set the mood. That's where I came up with describing my bored days at Puerto Rico. The Short Circuit 2 line is totally true. You do what you gotta do to get by. I was very upset when the tape broke. After that, I think I watch A Muppet Christmas Carol. Those along with my grandmother's amazing rice, a hammock, insects, freezing cold shopping malls, really bad outdoor malls, a water park with a pool that included automatic waves, Ponderosa were my memories of PR. I hold them dear to my heart and can't wait to go back and add more to the list. But I digress...

I tried to lead the chorus with the most clever line. So asking if I should erase the a in apathetic was painful because I was being mean to myself AGAIN, but it made me laugh and hopefully you'll do the same. Besides, Distracted is the piece where I really tear myself a new one. Stay tuned for that...

This is by no means an anthem on never growing up. It's realistic. It's saying, yeah I want to grow and become this person you want me to become but I want to add a few things. Another soul searching moment. Aren't they all?

One of the best things about this piece in my opinion, is it has a theme and gives examples of the conflict without forgetting to mention the present. I feel that I show and tell here. It's so incredibly honest and those typically turn out the best, and also get me into a bit of trouble.



In a world that's so cynical
We will reach our pinnacle
Get through the autumn mist
Get through fights worse than trips to the dentist
They say we've had our chance
Don't believe in love at first glance
I only agree with them half the time
The other half you won't leave my mind
Don't know whether to praise or dread the day we met
Lately in my dreams I only see your silhouette
I need to put your face on it
I'm such a creature of habit
I've learned to always trust my first guess
even if you do cause a mess
It's all become too difficult to suppress

You can leave and life would get tranquil
or you could stay and I'll remain insane
I could use steroids for the mind and take the pill
or I could keep the memories of agony in my brain
I can choose mind under matter
or risk the threat of life getting sadder
But I could never overlook your love
So in each of the cases mentioned above
I prefer the latter
The latter

We could never tread lightly
Over here passion is featured nightly
Never good at casual or slow
Just watch how fast we can go
Our involvement feels like a sin
Lyrics relating to tunes of Phil Collins
I hope the pain goes away without you leaving
because this has caused me plenty of dry heaving
Notorious for saying goodbye well too soon
When we're involved every night's a full moon
Simple If it was just lust and a one night stand
There's so much more that these forces demand
When we try to be serious my mind falls in the gutter
our conversations should be more cookie cutter
Years of overuse have indeed left me jaded
but it's nice to think that practicality is overrated

You can leave and life would get tranquil
or you could stay and I'll remain insane
I could use steroids for the mind and take the pill
or I could keep the memories of agony in my brain
I can choose mind under matter
or risk the threat of life getting sadder
But I could never overlook your love
So in each of the cases mentioned above
I prefer the latter
The latter

It's a full time job well over 40 hours a week
Maybe excitement not content is what we seek
Our issues can't be covered in group counseling
or through a broken promise ring
This all shouldn't come as a surprise
I notice the glow has returned in your eyes

You can leave and life would get tranquil
or you could stay and I'll remain insane
(I prefer the latter)
I could use steroids for the mind and take the pill
or I could keep the memories of agony in my brain
(I prefer the latter)
I can choose mind under matter
or risk the threat of life getting sadder
(I prefer the latter)
But I want your around
And for that reason and that reason alone
I prefer the latter
The latter

NOTES: For me, these love pieces are the hardest to write, especially lately. It's been my experience that the reader has been more receptive to the pieces about the broken heart. I could say that's because misery loves company, but I'm not that cynical of a person. I just think it's so much more difficult to write a good love song or poem. I've become very conscious of this and I felt that I did a decent job with the love pieces on Monday Morning. But there weren't enough of them in there.
There's a fine line to cross between being earnest and corny or cliche. I tried hard not to cross that line. I was lost in that regard for a while. It had become more natural to write about everything but honest love. So I sat back and thought: If I were listening to my favorite artist's album or reading a poem or story from a great author, what would I want to hear them say about this subject? What would I want them to express? The answer didn't surprise me. Again it was honesty. Never fails.

Loving someone or something is rarely easy. Yeah, if two love each other enough, it shouldn't be this incredible hardship. But it's definitely has it's moments of negative energy.

So rather than ignore those shitty times, why not display it all and say this is what love is? It's far from perfect, but I'm big enough to cut the crap and admit it. I love you, you love me, at times we drive each other bananas, but after the weighing pros and cons, the negatives don't come close. I want you around.

That's real love. When two people create enough dysfunction yet manage to hang in there long enough to solve their differences and STAY in love. To me, that's a love song. So The Latter was a perfect way to describe everything I was trying to prove. It includes a series of scenarios in the chorus and each one describes how life would with and without their love. And how in each one, you prefer the latter, which in each case is the one where that person is included in your life. The best and honest part is that it seems like a no brainer on a logical point of view that if this is causing you such complication, then cut it loose. But when has love been logical? To choose love over sanity, now that's a love song. I hope I successful mirrored my goal. Don't ever let sanity get in the way of love, although some times it does. That's the beauty of love. You never know....



I never want to feel that sense of doom again
and it pains me to know that I will
Mid twenties and I've already had my fill
Abruptly waking up at the crack of dawn
to hear that our little angel has fallen
As bad news as I've ever gotten
This world is just plain rotten
Fear did me in story of my life
Seeing you like that cut like a knife
So I didn't go back
Done in again by the spine I lack
Just a mere day late
Sometimes you should never procrastinate
Where has my faith gone
and depending how far it's gone
does that make me bad or wrong
whether the duration be short or long
I'm pointing to you in the sky
Wondering if it's all a lie

Old magazine clippings still taped to her bedroom door
I want to believe but honestly don't know anymore
All i can do is hope that it's not all a fallacy
You were always loved so dearly
I can't seem to use the past tense yet
or discuss the memories I'll never forget
In my head I say you're still around because
It just seems too early to say "She was..."

Lovely pictures of her are already on display
along with that distinguished smell the following day
Included is distant 'family' I don't wish to see
The ones that only come around during tragedy
Half of them don't even know me
and they're discussing everything but her
You were beautiful just the way you were
If there's a place for you will you look like a kid?
Will you be older and will you become lucid?
Forgot me towards the end but held me at the beginning
An opportunity drifted away at sea and I still feel the sting
Missed the chance to see your face
May there be that place
where you have all the books you want
and as many laughs as you can have
I already miss when we played
You were loving and that memory will never fade
Pinching your cheek while you scowled
That morning I contemplated shouting out loud

Old magazine clippings still taped to her bedroom door
I want to believe but honestly don't know anymore
All i can do is hope that it's not all a fallacy
You were always loved so dearly
I can't seem to use the past tense yet
or discuss the memories I'll never forget
In my head I say you're still around because
It just seems too early to say "She was..."

You're our baby
always and forever

NOTES: I was in such a deep sleep at 6AM that morning. Big surprise, I know. My brother came in my room and must have repeated my name about 7 or 8 times before I even moved a muscle. I was out cold. The night before, I had a simple but very fun night. Ray and I went to this very nice, but pricey of course, restaurant in the lower east side and I ate one of the best steaks I've ever tried. Add a few beers, thinking about the beginning of baseball, and that's all I require to be content. So after the 8th Jaime call, I moved. Then I heard those Earth shattering words. "Georgie died this morning." Still, nothing computed in my half awake head. I believe i was able to muster up the word what. He repeated the sentence. I started to panic but the voice was still monotone. I asked if he was joking. Obviously I knew he wasn't but I was in shock mode. I was supposed to go see her at the nursing home where she spent her last year. I had planned to go either that Sunday or the following day. Whenever my mother went. I recall visiting when she first went there. She didn't remember who I was and that sort of broke my heart. She stopped remembering me even when she lived with us. That along with seeing her in a nursing home and not ours was a bad combo, emotionally. It would almost ruin the day. So I didn't go nearly as often as I should have. My immediate reaction is that someone took away this precious opportunity from me. Cruelly ripped it out of my hands. Then I quickly thought about her and my mother, who had loved each other so dearly and shared such a unique bond. That day was an absolute nightmare. The entire week was a nightmare, as you would expect. The following day was the worst though. The wake. I know it's a big DUH to say you hate wakes. But I hate them. To see our Georgina so lifeless in a casket with that smell I mention in the poem...Man...My grandfather had flown in that morning and he broke down in tears. We all did. Then distant relatives came by. We were all discussing how she was this, she was that.
And just a day or so ago, I told my brother that she IS this, she IS that. I recalled the story of her going on an airplane with my grandparents years ago and how the pilot gave her a plastic wings pin. We all laughed and missed her. Then we made the plans to see her very soon. That didn't happen. I guess I have no one to blame but myself. And the decision to wait is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

So with the poem, I wanted something simple that also explained her presence in our lives, my childhood in particular. I'd always play with her even though I annoyed her greatly. Like I said earlier, I was really creeped out by the usage of the past tense. It felt too soon to say that. It all happened too fast. So this is about that idea of someone refusing to say that person 'was' just yet. It came out nicely. Also a very hard piece to re read. Rough year...She may not have lived the fullest life because of her condition, but she couldn't have been loved more. I hope that counts for something. I have a feeling it does. Love can get you far in this jaded world. Until we meet again, Georgina. 'Hay-me' loves you very much and is very sorry.



You've just awaken from 10 years of sleep
Now that you're up get ready to weep
The glass may be more than half empty
These days nothing too inspiring to see
but if you must take a look
here's your own personal yearbook
Some things will make you scratch your head
Your countless former hang out spots are dead
The heart and soul it once included buried
Paranoia is the word Some say they planted the seed
in order to harm freedom and call it the Patriot Act
A certain past administration lacked a bit of tact
Besides privacy can be considered overrated
No wonder our nation's youth is so jaded
You have dreams that they'll make you quit
The foes are friends faker than the 'goddesses' tits
Watching people with marginal talent go far
Should've learned to act, pitch or play guitar
You don't need to think or feel
There's your tutorial

Matrimony is dying faster than the middle class
Central nervous systems that are made of glass
When finding a feel good story is just so forced
Forgo the constitution while innocent are coerced
Mainstream media and their childish reactions to sex
Hearing commercials for pills with crippling side effects
Yet there's reason for optimism in the form of change
It would be an understatement to say times are strange
Welcome to...
Twenty-Ten 101

This weather has been doing weird things
We're obsessed with something silly called twittering
Believe in hope some right winged fanatics will scoff and yell out loud
'You're just another spineless liberal with your head in the clouds'
Ideas are being recycled and becoming even duller
Signs of danger are displayed in the form of colors
Obsess about something else we can't have
This beautiful city still wounded and in need of a laugh
Role models are scarce and little is genuine anymore
Why were America's finest brought to that war
Those above must realize you can adore your country
yet still be able to have an opinion and disagree
Listening to loud talking heads ramble
on how this economy is in shambles
People are losing hope faster than they are getting laid off
At least you got the help of the kind hearted Bernie Madoff

Matrimony is dying faster than the middle class
Central nervous systems that are made of glass
When finding a feel good story is just so forced
Forgo the constitution while innocent are coerced
Mainstream media and their childish reactions to sex
Hearing commercials for pills with crippling side effects
Yet there's reason for optimism in the form of change
It would be an understatement to say times are strange
Welcome to...
Twenty-Ten 101

The out of luck have been KO'ED by the world's iron fists
It's quite the shame that inequality still exists
The hatred that the prejudice have carried
For the record let everyone get married
Everyone deserves a chance at misery
Of course I'm kidding honey...
Let's prove to the cynics that happiness is no illusion
One day at a time
There's your conclusion

Matrimony is dying faster than the middle class
Central nervous systems that are made of glass
When finding a feel good story is just so forced
Forgo the constitution while innocent are coerced
Mainstream media and their childish reactions to sex
Hearing commercials for pills with crippling side effects
Yet there's reason for optimism in the form of change
It would be an understatement to say times are strange
Welcome to...
Twenty-Ten 101

NOTES: I wanted to write a yearbook-like piece since these seem to be crazy times in the world. I mean, I know I'm young and I have yet to see all that much, but I think most can agree this new era has been pretty difficult to decipher. I suppose I'm specifically referring from 2001 to the present and the frightening future we face. With new technology, new wars, new conspiracies, new paranoia, etc. I needed to acknowledge the adjustments, put them on paper, just to see if I could digest all the change. And the goal was to write it in a way where if someone from the 1940's was awaken from decades of sleep, that person can read this and sort of understand what's going on with the world. And for someone who has been out of the loop for just ten years to be blown away by vast changes. It's a time capsule.
I'm not the brightest crayon in the box so I had to be very selective in what information I wanted to include. What does everyone else complain about nowadays besides everything? Well, marriage is one. We all keep hearing about how half of marriages end up in divorce. That's a crippling statistic and one that needs to be acknowledged. I mention feel good stories feeling forced. As a sports fan, I can certainly attest to this. With the media and production, they're dying to latch on to the next rags to riches stories. And that goes for stories that aren't sports related. They try to shove it down your throat and do so in a contrived form.

Many people are discussing the debate of torture and GITMO, and rightfully so. These practices break the Constitution that so many brave souls have and continue to fight so hard to protect and maintain. I know there's another side to the debate, not making for a clear cut answer. There usually never is. Same goes for the Patriot Act. I know it's the popular topic to knock for a liberal, but there's a reason for that. Conspiracy theorist or no, it's frightening to think that nothing we do can ever be considered private, even if it's supposed to protect us. These are challenges, we as Americans didn't have to face a few short years ago. Of course, we knew about that possibility and the fear. The whole Big Brother idea in George Orwell's 1984 proves that notion. ANd for myself at least, it's not the Act itself that frightens me, but the possibility it could just be the tip of the ice berg. A minor cog in a bigger plan of control. But I haven't felt that way the last few months. I've felt just a tad more optimistic. I wonder why...

And of course, you're not writing a proper timeline without mentioning the state of the economy. I mean, what can you say about that? Also global warming. Also being a part of a more perscription drug society. Just watch a block of commercials. Half of them are for meds for one condition or another. I'd hate to be a father explaining to their son or daughter what Viagra is while a creepy not so old but pretty old looking man smiles at his younger, attractive wife as they throw a remote out of their home and turn off the lights.

I needed to add some humor and optimism to avoid a gloomy piece. Because I truly believe there are very good people out there and with good people, there is always hope. It's one of my favs. Hopefully I held my own in a coupe of these topics in just a few lines. Also liked the title too. They're all numbers which was a different approach from the other titles I've written.



Curiosity can be harmful to the soul
Not sure but I think I dug myself in a hole
To cut the ties or make amends
Now I know why it's so hard to stay friends
How is one to go about acting bold
without the risk of sounding cold
Do you take it all in small doses
or ask someone else's diagnosis?
If you hear about us you'll start walking
because the ego will start talking
I ask myself questions that are juvenile
but they're valid and stick in the brain for a while
I don't know whether to buy or sell
There's so much to tell
You've missed so much
Promise you'll keep in touch

Flip the switch
and pretend the past didn't occur
Don't wonder how well he treats her
Flip the switch
so there's a part of my life that you can't see
for it's all just a not so distant memory
Flip the switch
and the darkness will hide the glow in our eyes
when that glow is because of a different girl and guy
Flip the switch
I just don't think I can
so keep walking along

Technology can make your skin crawl
Just try to pick up the phone and call
Keep the photographs private Stay mum
My lungs are once again feeling numb
because these new circumstances trip the brain
The pressure induces a protruding forehead vein
To forgot it all you'd have to erase a lot of hours
and not worry if theirs' is better than ours
Being forgotten is a common fear
Feeling gross and reeking of BO and beer
Starting to look for the sign that reads exit
Stepped on too many eggshells so i should quit
It's been a while since I've seen you
What have you been up to?
Pain in my stomach I have yet to clutch
I don't think we could stay in touch

Flip the switch
and pretend the past didn't occur
Don't wonder how well he treats her
Flip the switch
so there's a part of my life that you can't see
for it's all just a not so distant memory
Flip the switch
and the darkness will hide the glow in our eyes
when that glow is because of a different girl and guy
Flip the switch
I just don't think I can
so keep walking along

It hurts the head
Things I didn't do instead
Complicated since date of birth
but for what it's worth
it's not you and it's not me
It's just the way the post phase goes
Feeling the tension and it shows
I should just chill out and flip the switch
and I'll try not to flatter myself

Flip the switch
and pretend the past didn't occur
Don't wonder how well he treats her
Flip the switch
so there's a part of my life that you can't see
for it's all just a not so distant memory
Flip the switch
and the darkness will hide the glow in our eyes
when that glow is because of a different girl and guy
Flip the switch
I just don't think I can
so keep walking along

NOTES: Most times, when you write, you want to have answers. You want to explain views that you swear are right. But not this time. In this piece, this is me saying, no I don't always have the right strategy or the right answer. I can think something is right now and easily be proven wrong later. That's life. People too often, myself included are too defiant in their ways or beliefs. Some things are valid. But I feel that defiance can lead to contradiction when you change your mind about something later on. And changing your mind doesn't mean you don't stand for anything. It means that you understand how life works, which is unpredictably. There have been thousand of songs written about break ups. I've written quite a few about the subject. But they are like strange transactions and I thought the interesting story about ending a relationship is what happens after the pain subsides and two people move on. Sometimes, they try to maintain contact. That's the interesting story. How to backtrack. Can it be done in a functional and healthy way? Most would argue that it can't. Some would argue that it can. Flip The Switch argues neither side, yet reflects the confusion that both arguments bring to the table.

It can feel unnatural at times, backtracking. But there are many moments where it feels perfectly normal. I got the Flip The Switch term from a sports reference. Believe it or not, sports can be sort of educational. If it wasn't for sports, broadcasters and reporters, I'd be an even bigger moron. I heard the phrase in regards to a good team playing poorly. And that this particular team was good enough to flip the switch when it mattered and start playing well again. It's going from one extreme to the next at rapid speed. Faster than the flip of a switch. And I felt it was the best way to describe going from couple to friends.

Also included are the obstacles that come between a friendship like this, such as having totally different paths, new loves, technology which reveals too much information, etc. Break ups must have been so much easier before the internet. The networking sites and the accessibility of communication make it that much tougher for everyone included. Yet, we're still all a part of them. Hmm...

In retrospect it's a bit shorter than the others, especially the chorus but there are a lot of lines in here that I'm pleased with, especially the light references and the glow in eyes part.

Flip The Switch=I could be right. I could be wrong. Flip a coin. Maybe that will be the follow up poem.



Long walk short bridge
stuck in a crowded bar in Bay Ridge
Years older but the overall vibe remains
I always have what's her name on the brain
I never did enjoy the words of Frued
These catholic schools made me paranoid
As I look at my life in high def
It's uglier than I thought it was in my head
Committing actions that are contradictions
I'm just a twenty something with no direction
They're a dime a dozen these days
Can I save myself from this malaise
As I sit down staring at the wall
I dare myself to stand tall
The apathy bug's around and I've been infected
I feel so darn disconnected

Something's gotta give
It's time to finally change the way I live
There will be plenty of trial and error
Decisions that will make me tremble in terror
My dialogue will sound sloppy
My editing will look choppy
but I'll make key improvements along the way
I'll show potential and fall flat on my face
It's alright to fail an attempt It's no disgrace
I had my time for safe and fun
At times I'll show my desperation
It all comes with embracing the new forgoing the old
and turning my life into a pilot episode

I've only just begun but still have nothing to show
These days life's as redundantly repetitive as Top 40 radio
Things are looking up though
Last week I received three views on my blog
And I talked to the smart girl but mispronounced Prague
I won't let delusions or insecurities alter my stance
Not getting any younger can't blow another chance
Success is exactly what I need to fill this void
Those rejection notes made me so paranoid
We're starting to have another fight
Said I had to get moving and I hate when she's right
My parents are thinking 'how can he be our son?'
This is like spending hours chewing on stale gum
How the real world works leaves me feeling miffed
A couple of lucky breaks is all I need to get a lift
It's time to make them proud

Something's gotta give
Time to finally change the way I live
There will be plenty of trial and error
Decisions that will make me tremble in terror
My dialogue will sound sloppy
My editing will look choppy
but I'll make key improvements along the way
I'll show potential and fall flat on my face
It's alright to fail an attempt It's no disgrace
I had my time for safe and fun
At times I'll show my desperation
It all comes with embracing the new forgoing the old
and turning my life into a pilot episode

Although I panic when the audience is live
I know that one day I'll hit my strive
and the struggles of the first time will be a distant memory
At least I hope that's a day I'll get to see
The clock's ticking my ambitions are on the chopping block
If I don't get there the lights turn will off the room will be dark
and if I do, I'll make sure not to jump the shark

NOTES: As a student who majored in TV/RADIO (excellent choice. ha) I wanted to write something that referenced some of the terms I studied. Pilot episodes (or a television pilot) on sitcoms or dramas have always interested me because they're often very different from their latter episodes. It's basically the first episode of a show, and all the creators are feeling the desperation and pressure to generate an audience. Several pilots are written for networks, but only a miniscule number make it to the tube. And these networks generally have a very short leash for these shows. So if ratings are poor the first week or two, the plug is pulled. This happens every year. Look at the fall lineup, and a vast majority of those new shows will not make it to October. (Kind of like my Mets)

But if you look at the shows that made it well past their pilot episodes and turned out the be legendary (IE Seinfeld, Simpsons, Saved By The Bell, Happy Days, Married With Children, etc.) their first episodes were very different from the shows' peak. I think that's because actors haven't had a chance to make the character their own. That's what makes characters so iconic. But something like that doesn't happen overnight and takes a lot of tries to get it right. Same with script writing. It's a giant puzzle and everyone has to collaborate. In Happy Days, even the sets vastly improved after the first few episodes. Fonzie, Al Bundy, Kramer, even Homer Simpson, had very different looks and dialogue before . Fonzie wasn't even a main character until producers and creators realized the audience really connected with him. These examples prove that shows need to breath to get just right. Sounds a lot like life, right? Well, I thought so.

I enjoyed the idea of the pressure and changes of a show and applying it to life. This is a fork in the road type of tale. When you become bold enough to take that turn in your life, you're going to probably make some mistakes. They could be major. They could be minor. But these errors are necessary in order to figure out how to reach your personal peak. How else will you know how to do it right unless you fuck up every now and then? And I establish that in the piece, with some humor. I reference disliking Freud and blaming rather interesting culprits for my paranoia. It's all in good fun and humor. But it's an anthem for change and trying to become excited for that change. It's about saying I love myself and I love where I've been, but this phase in my life requires I take a different direction and embrace that fear that comes with it. And making the analogy to a pilot episode felt very natural and made sense. What can I say? I watch lots of TV. I also point out some of the more embarrassing moments in the last couple of years that support how awkward transitions can be. Yuk it up and enjoy.



This year I'm pinning all my hopes on you
But will you shatter me like you always do
All of myself is what I've chosen to invest
though you don't always give me your best
Forces that are completely out of my control
At times I get frustrated that you own my soul
My number one companion and constant
A passion that won't waver or relent
Please don't leave me so soon
or I'll miss those blissful afternoons
where it's just you and nothing else matters
and my sanctuary is where we'd gather
Without your presence I'm simply lost
Count the days while I wipe off the frost
Still too ugly for Prince St. but you don't care
Rich poor or out of luck you're always there
All the eggs in the basket are smashed
I may risk the threat of sounding crass
but I need you

I'm an overzealous fanatic
You turn my behaviors erratic
The ability to infuriate
at the same time provide a safe escape
It's the agony It's the ecstasy
It's the way you make or break me
Not ashamed to say it because it's so true
I'm avid for you

I had a terrible night and it's all your fault
This day is my wound and you're the salt
Not too long ago I was in a euphoric state
because what you did for me was so great
I'd travel all over the country just for you
When you screw up oh the rage that ensues
They say too much of you is unhealthy
There's no way I can treat this moderately
Besides you're always on the mind either way
I'm in denial but it doesn't matter what cynics say
Excited when the day approaches
I can only take you in high doses
I just can't take a break
though I give and you take
At times too painful to look at pictures or videos
then it's all I can do simply to get by
Tears of sorrow or joy guaranteed to cry

I'm an overzealous fanatic
You turn my behaviors erratic
The ability to infuriate
at the same time provide a safe escape
It's the agony It's the ecstasy
It's the way you make or break me
Not ashamed to say it because it's so true
I'm avid for you

We don't usually succeed
but
I love you and that's all the justification I need
It's hate and love Heaven and hell
I'm beginning to see the parallel

NOTES: Avid is a love letter to anyone or anything. I wanted to write something that serves multiple purposes. You usually hear the term avid attached to fandom, so being the avid Mets fan, I had my love and passion for the beloved baseball team from Flushing in mind. But when coming up with ideas to express this passion, I realized there were just so many similarities to a relationship with a person. If that sounds messed up, it's really not. Each love seem to go on borderline obsession. They both drive you insane, yet you forgive them. They're your escape, your conflict, your resolution. You can't imagine your life without each of them. It can be unhealthy because of the portions. Both are mostly out of your hands. I found the parallels to be uncanny.

For me, its the Mets and a love relationship. But it doesn't have to be a sports team. I think everyone has a different love, whether that be their job or hobby that show similarities to their significant other.

A friend explained how sports was loved because of the agony and ecstasy that it brought. I think it's half right but I included the line. Interesting stuff.

Both of their absences leave a void in your heart. Not much else to say. I really like the coincidental revelation I discovered while writing it. It blew my mind for a few short moments how the emotions generated from these two loves aren't so different. It truly is for both loves.

But if your reading this hun, then it's all about you...



That day my life changed forever
It was the same day I met her
and found love straight out of a fairy tale
Long story or short
She was at the gift shop in the airport
We enjoyed overly sized drinks at a chain
Liquid courage left a stain
So thankful for New York city rain
All good things come to an end
But not before I found the sweet God send
Growing a pair today wouldn't cause harm
She wrote her number on my left arm
It was destiny that flight delay
February 30th was my lucky day

Over here the water is so blue
I always knew it would be you
Got in the car and we took that carefree ride
That day I planned to make you my bride
Later on it got clear and sunny
That all sounds good and dandy
But don't believe in the eye candy
Give society your dreams in exchange for ordinary
That's now the going rate for one's soul
Dream within reason and re imagine your goals
Sing another sad song
The wise one was right all along
February 30th
The lips I've never kissed
February 30th
The day that doesn't exist

Oh that day my life changed forever
That day things started to come together
It was that morning I got an $80 ticket in the mail
But for today all that's just drops in a bucket
I'm looking at my new career with no regrets
Just became proactive Stopped dragging my feet
Moved up quickly and didn't missed a beat
I always wrote as a kid so this makes sense
I've rid myself of ever feeling angst or tense
Things are finally as good as the seem
No catch No pitfalls No smokescreens
and they said this day would never come
Today I just got my 3rd promotion
Never thought life could be this much fun

Over here the water is so blue
I always knew it would be you
Got in my car and we took that carefree ride
That day I planned to make you my bride
Later on it got oddly clear and sunny
That all sounds good and dandy
But don't believe in the eye candy
Give society your dreams in exchange for ordinary
That's now the going rate for one's soul
Dream within reason and re imagine your goals
Sing another sad song
The wise one was right all along
February 30th
The lips I've never kissed
February 30th
The day that doesn't exist

It's the day you always win
Never feel comfortable in your own skin
Think it's slush but luckily it's solid ground
Hit a rut that you're unable to turn around
Find an eternal love that will never grow stale
Get your pink slip in the mail
You get an all time high sober
I miss having you come over
There's only one life to live
And that one life is quite abrasive
Your dreams are answered and come true
The empty space on the calendar in month two

Over here the water is so blue
I always knew it would be you
Got in my car and we took that carefree ride
That day I planned to make you my bride
Later on it got oddly clear and sunny
That all sounds good and dandy
But don't believe in the eye candy
Give society your dreams in exchange for ordinary
That's now the going rate for one's soul
Dream within reason and re imagine your goals
Sing another sad song
The wise one was right all along
February 30th
The lips I've never kissed
February 30th
The day that doesn't exist

NOTES: I liked the idea of discussing a day that never came. This is basically an extension from a previous song I wrote called Motionless. But this one is much more personal. The other one was about an older guy who was tired of the routine that became his life. On February 30th, I discuss these dream-like, fantastical scenarios that sound almost too good to be true. And during the chorus, you find out that they are. And I'm thinking about a day that doesn't exist on the calendar. It's a day that can't physically ever come. That's a very sad and disturbing thought.

At first, I decided to use the title and the idea of 2.30 as being symbolic of procrastination. And how I'll put important things off until that day. I found that idea funny, but I liked this other idea better. It's more tragic and it rang true to myself. You hope for these beautiful, flawless occurrences happen to you, but at the same time, you don't have confidence that it's in the cards. I describe the weather as flawless, a strong as oak relationship, a scenario where you meet someone in a spontaneous manner, and then erase it all by giving the horrible truth of how different and difficult life is. It doesn't necessarily mean that things won't work out. Just not the way you imagined growing up. I think we all have to come to terms that the 'adult plan' is not what you envisioned as teens.

It's a real eye opener for me. I discuss marriage, career, and it scared the crap out of me. But that's the point. That means it did its job. I love the summer so I put in a line that discusses stepping on a giant pile of slush. That's how reality can feel when it surprises you. I love the idea of unconditional love then I discuss the fear of a couple becoming stale. I mention promotions and doing something you love, then having to re-imagine your goals. February 30th had to sound like the greatest day possible, and then display a day that's more down to Earth. Not the worst day, but an average one. And how it's sad that an average day is so inferior to what you'd draw up as the best day ever. It doesn't exist. But if you look long enough, you'll find fragments of that day scattered around your life. And those little snippets make it well worth the search and the journey.



You treated her like a princess
so why is your marriage so loveless
You worked fourteen straight grueling hours
so why are you at home taking a cold shower
You wanted to complain but bit your lip
so why were you rewarded with a pink slip
I always try to compromise
so why am I constantly on the losing side
After all these years of dedication
when you try to hug her she wants to run
You held her hand when in labor
She repaid him by sleeping with their neighbor
saying there aren't anymore surprises or thrills
Cold enough to give anyone chills
She kicks a man when he's down
Because he wasn't her personal clown
Now to sell his entire life on Craigslist
Where's that other man that she kissed
She said with gusto as her lips swerved
You don't always get what you deserve

Where's my sticker?
Where's my trophy?
Where's that carrot
that you dangled in front of me?
Where's my sticker?
When's my moment?
They said you get what you give
but that's not what they really meant

I wish I was lying
You did all the right things
yet you're still a victim of racial profiling
Forced to hear questions
you have no business answering
You want a new girlfriend
but don't even have the funds to finance a fling
Your colleague stabbed you in the back
So add a few more unpaid bills to the stack
You bought her a bouquet
but she dumped you the next day
Your cutting edge gadgets are already considered archaic
You're a health freak yet still became violently sick
You try to change your pace but nothing's new
You give them what they want yet your kids still hate you
I tried to fit the trends yet still possess these frightening looks
I'm still dumb as a stump after reviewing all these textbooks
Fairness is nothing more than a myth
Let's go back to being kids on December 25th

Where's my sticker?
Where's my trophy?
Where's that carrot
that you dangled in front of me?
Where's my sticker?
When's my moment?
They said you get what you give
but that's not what they meant

You starve yourself yet still possess large girth
Despite desire were unable to see the happiest place on earth
Superiors steal your ingenious ideas
and say you'll move up one of these years
You try to be overly protective
yet still afraid of how you live
Struggle to maintain a clean bill of health
while others swim in their wealth
I continue to write
but can't stop sounding so damn trite
In that neighborhood your home can't have enough locks
I swear I counted those blocks
Shame on you for depriving those of what they should've earned
In this day likely the cruelest of lessons we've learned

Where's my sticker?
Where's my trophy?
Where's that carrot
that you dangled in front of me?
Where's my sticker?
When's my moment?
They said you get what you give
but that's not what they meant

NOTES: This is an anthem not really for me but everyone who feels that they haven't received what they truly deserved. It's a piece and subject that is bigger than myself and that's why I enjoyed creating it. Once and a while, it's exciting to step outside your own skin to explore others' feelings and conflicts. Of course, it's difficult at least for me. Whether you're writing about a direct experience or something totally outside of that, you're ALWAYS relying on your own take. And I have to do a better job writing outside of my comfort zone.

The title is personal (I'll get to that in a moment) but the message is very universal and relevant. Now seemingly more than ever, honest people are being dealt an unfair hand due to the economy being in shambles. They're getting fired. They're getting thrown out of their houses. They're losing food and sleep. They're even getting cheated on (not economy related but still unfair). These injustices, whether they directly impact you or not, are hardships we can all sympathize with. I probably wouldn't have imagined writing this a couple of years ago. Unfortunately, it's what a lot of Americans are dealing with. So I wrote a bunch of examples of terrible scenarios. It's definitely one of the bleaker pieces I've written in the entire collection. I didn't mean for it to be that way. It just happened and it made sense. I don't see how I could throw a joke in there.

It shows example of doing something right, and the outcome being the total opposite. Like kids hating their parents even though those same parents are good to their children. And with the cheating thing, because I'm a guy, I guess it was easier for me to write a scenario when a wife cheated on her husband, when statistically speaking, men likely cheat on their wives with more regularity. I should've demonstrated both sides, but I'm a guy...

Now to the title. It's also the title of the entire collection. Why? What's it about? Here's an excerpt from the Intro.

1988
Pre-K

A math exercise was taking place in the classroom. Students had to count little cubes aloud.

Those that successfully participated received a sticker for their work.

After the exercise, everyone received a sticker...

...except myself.

I asked the female teacher, "Where's my sticker?"

The teacher responded, "You didn't count along with the rest of the class."

I did.

I then sat in a corner and sobbed.

First disappointment.

Little did my small brain know that there were many more of those to come.

I still remember it.

Yes, pathetic.

That's it in a nutshell. I took that first childhood memory and made it relevant to today's mess.



Cinder blocks tied to my feet
That's what you do to me
and it's raining on the one spot I'm forced to stand
In the end your arms is where I'll inevitably land
Make my heart jump Make my lips quiver
A girl like this will force you to punish your liver
You spit on the suggestion of romance
We're surrounded by artificial light and fake plants
I should've stopped because she makes me sick
but I had to keep poking the beehive with a stick
That girl was a blueprint from my dream
Now her and Jeopardy lower my self esteem
The idea of her being kind is oh so rich
Boy can she be a real...

I hadn't gotten laid in a while
but I'm so glad my attempts were futile
She's like fingernails on a chalkboard
I can't take her anymore
Her novelty is worn and faded
Personality that hasn't been authenticated
And I failed to mention
her obscene pretension
I can't help but regret
falling for the girl that became a wet blanket

She sucks the fun out of anything we do
Don't really know what I saw in you
You think I'm a bore and it's quite the contrary
I looked up the word and saw your face in the dictionary
I would've ended the chase if I had the ability
After all this I value the idea of tranquility
but at the time I'd rather be with you instead
Sick and halfway through the bottle of Sudafed
One should be rewarded for dealing with her narcissism
Listening to her banter is as painful as a circumcision
You always pulled the rug from underneath me
Your aesthetics made those fatal flaws harder to see
Thank goodness you turned me down several times
cuz I avoided stepping on a land mine

I hadn't gotten laid in a while
but I'm so glad my attempts were futile
Like the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard
I can't take her anymore
Her novelty is worn and faded
Personality that hasn't been authenticated
And I failed to mention
her obscene pretension
I can't help but regret
falling for the girl that became a wet blanket

A smile is something you typically lack
Give me two patronizing pats on the back
After all this time I'm still looking for a heartbeat
It's just not there It's the price to pay for being part of the elite
For lack of a better word
You suck
and you're not that important

I hadn't gotten laid in a while
but I'm so glad my attempts were futile
Like the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard
I can't take her anymore
Her novelty is worn and faded
Personality that hasn't been authenticated
And I failed to mention
her obscene pretension
I can't help but regret
falling for the girl that became a wet blanket

NOTES: This one is about a blessing in disguise. That phrase is often used by optimistic personalities. It's sort of similar to the saying, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." A funnier quote from Forgetting Sarah Marshall is "When life gives you lemons, say fuck the lemons and just bail..." Funny stuff.

I digress. Wet blanket is a term I admittedly was unfamiliar with until recently. I immediately connected with the idea. It's a saying that people rarely use anymore to describe a drip or someone who spoils one's fun. I then knew exactly how I would use that idea. A while ago, there was this girl that I particularly fancied.
And I tried extremely hard to get her to reciprocate these feelings. But she was, for lack of a better word, a bitch. Not just because she didn't like me back. She just wasn't a very good person. And when I finally saw that, it's the sort of moment where you realize that you liked someone for all the wrong reasons and become extremely upset with yourself for being that shallow and masochistic. Some individuals take the role of brutally honest and/or unattainable. And it's not exciting or unique. It's boring and in time, people will figure that out and get real bored, real fast. This is a very individualistic society and that's something I think most of us have gotten used to. But there's a line some cross where they take themselves too seriously. I've had this person do some hurtful things to me and I kept going back to that same source. And for what? This is someone I wouldn't want to be trapped with for more than 5 minutes if it wasn't sexually related because I can't carry a conversation with her. I think we've all been there. But here's the blessing.

Because that person was so distant, I didn't get the opportunity to date and develop a true relationship. Thank goodness! You feel like you dodged a truck. Sometimes you think you want something, but rejection could be exactly what you need. That's what happened to me in this situation. It all worked out in the end. I'm not a huge believer in things happening for a reason, but it's certainly true in these cases. People grow and become better, but honestly I don't think there's any hope for this particular girl. I do wish her the best and really hope she learns to love someone other than herself. Very thankful that my attempts were futile. Not even first base. GOOD! For once, a rejection I'm proud of. Looks can be beautiful but please beware...

I tried to add some comedy in this one. And I think I succeeded with the Jeopardy line. It's one of my favorites. So true.



Surprises have come and gone
Now it's just you and I exposed
Nothing we don't already know
Your mannerisms I've gotten down to a tee
Oh the dangers of intimacy
Inside I usually don't let anyone get a good look
But with you I've been an open book
You've studied me for better or worse
good or bad
Let's be honest, it's less gift more curse
Cuz you know just which buttons to press
And I often feel inclined to test your stubbornness
Last night when you kept pushing the issue
The most dangerous weapon, my pride, my soul
I realized I've given to you
Not sure if the risk is worth the reward
Though your face still leaves me floored
Ignorance is bliss
But my knowledge for you enhances that kiss
Fun, one and done, exasperation
Me and you
the world's greatest catch twenty two
As I felt cornered
My shortcomings you started outing
I introduced defense mechanisms in the form of shouting
I could forget my ego and take the fall
Instead I tell the biggest falsehood of all
You don't know me...

Though you know I'm nervous every time I'm looking down
That when I walk away during a fight I'll eventually turn around
During takeoff I'm in dire need of a hand to squeeze
That my intelligence level is the size of a flee
And you call me out on all of my flaws
Know that I drink chocolate milk out of a straw
You don't know me...
What gets me the worst is that
the sentence couldn't be further from the truth

Don't think it doesn't go both ways
You hate when I know you're having a bad day
Because you try so hard to hide your despair
But after these years I know your dreams your nightmares
Should've picked a guy who won't listen to a word
and don't tell em' about your fear of birds
The insults at my expense that you're unable to recant
Because I have the memory of an elephant
We can't help but judge how we live
I can't help but foresee you becoming impulsive
We've made these mistakes so many times before
I must make sure you never feel just content or bored
This friction between us is causing a rash
In our case, opposites do clash
Tonight our angst has been reloaded
As you realize you're about to be decoded
you push me away start to sigh
and tell yourself one of the bigger lies
You don't know me

Though I know how you got that bump on your thumb
About that vacation when you got sick off no cola and all rum
How you struggle to form that illusive balance
Despite your cynicism love the idea of romance
I call you out when you're in a bad mood
Typically when you have a belly without any food
You don't know me
What gets her the worst is that
the sentence couldn't be further from the truth

Victims of our own good times and success
Should we throw up the red flag on this mess
Our passion grows fonder so it's anyone's guess
This love doesn't worked when it's dumbed down
Yet we kid ourselves and continue to say that
You don't know me

Though you know I'm nervous every time I'm looking down
Though I know you struggle to form that illusive balance
You know when I walk away during a fight I'll eventually turn around
I know despite the cynicism you love the idea of romance
During takeoff I'm in dire need of a hand to squeeze
Though I know how you got that bump on your thumb
That my intelligence level is the size of a flee
About that vacation when you got sick off no cola and all rum

You don't know me
I'm grateful that you do

"You Don't Know Me," is a phrase people often use as a defense mechanism. And it's typically said when someone else feels threatened or feels like they're being figured out. So whether it's a stranger or worse, someone close to you, you may yell out, "What? You don't know me!" It's the key sign that a person may be starting to feel vulnerable. You could have nice clothes, nice hair, well toned body, but at the end of the day, the only thing you have that is JUST yours and is private is your mind. And when your mind feels like it's getting read, you feel naked. Not a great feeling. That's probably how arguments usually begin. So you fight back.

NOTES: This poem tries to capture that tension. I create a scenario where one feels cornered and trapped and that person fires back. But the chorus features examples on how well that person knows you. It's a double edged sword. The same reason why you love that person is the same reason why you can also dread them.
The second part switches things up and puts the shoe on the other foot.
I enjoyed writing about the mood aspect. By that, I mean when you know that someone is in a foul mood not because they're yelling or saying mean things. But the little things that can be valuable clues. People hate when they're told that they're in a bad mood, especially when they're trying to hide it. You can't really get away with that though in a relationship. And that's where the phrase double edged sword returns.

This was the first piece I wrote in this entire project. Late January, early Feb. The first one is always the hardest. I spent months before that writing short stories, sports recaps and a script. I was a little rusty going into this one. But as soon as I started, this one really allowed me to return to my comfort zone and even go outside it for a bit. It's longer than some of the others. And the choruses are different which was a nice touch.

It's a message that if a love isn't passionate, then it's probably not worth having at all. If it drives you crazy, then you're doing something right...to an extent.



Is your conscience getting the best of you
and if that's happening to me, what should i do?
Responsibility for one's feelings causes severe stress
Nowadays that's the burden I've been feeling more or less
Only so many times can we listen to this song
You love me but the better question is for how long
I've tried to ignore her but my heart beats too loud
Despite my crazy flaws I try to be proud
Being with you is a double edged sword
I do not become easily bored
Sooner or later we all get that itch
Adult decisions can be such a bitch
This morning has gone by kind of slow
Here I stay, the mascot for never letting go

When she reaches out to me I'm forced to stand still
This roller coaster results in my loss of free will
I want to move around but it's against the rules
Temptations that life brings can be so cruel
I haven't moved an inch, suffering from life lag
As you and I continue to play freeze tag

I'm trying to toe the line between content and routine
Lose the surprises and you'll find out she can be mean
But then too many surprises will feel trite
and may result in a lot of lonely nights
This is too large a place to just stay in one spot
And life is too short to be emulating a robot
I sometimes see the benefits of going outside the box
The longer you stay, the harder to break through the padlocks
You don't make things tough intentionally
But I look at you and my world is what I see
The seasons and years are starting to blend
I need a change so please touch me again
I love you so much
but I need to look and touch

When she reaches out to me I'm forced to stand still
These strong emotions result in my loss of free will
I want to move around but it's against the rules
Temptations that life brings can be so cruel
I haven't moved an inch, suffering from life lag
As you and I continue to play freeze tag

This is more than just a game but it plays out that way
I declare myself too weak for it as my hairs turn gray
Just when I say that I want to stay here forever
She leaves and wishes me luck in my future endeavors

This was the most frustrating type of tag games to play in my opinion. I was a fast runner as a kid despite my weak lungs, but somehow always got caught. So the afternoon consisted of me just standing there like a moron. I had to wait for a teammate to tag me to move. That would sometimes take quite a while. So I would be motionless and start to get antsy and probably cheated by moving around.

Freeze Tag refers to the sometimes rough patches of being a part of a love relationship that I've experienced during the years. It's also inspired by watching other couples and their conflicts. It's that certain feeling of 'time running out' and it's scary. Sure, you want to be with someone for the rest of your life. I think even the biggest cynic will admit that at some point, they imagined their life having a love that was so fierce and unbreakable. It's beautiful to idealize. As we get older, we understand that the idea is still possible, but not as simple. And no matter how in love you are, you can have that lingering doubt or fear about being with one person. The potential is there to become a little stir crazy, to get a little too comfortable. And that is what this piece is about. To create a theme of standing still like a game of freeze tag. The freezing aspect represents feeling trapped or realizing that your life is at a stand still and you're scared. This emotion interests me because it can go against all your beliefs but it's perfectly normal. Being with someone for the long haul has its strange or dysfunctional moments. It's giving yourself to someone and it can feel unnatural. So it's that idea of breaking through routine and maintaining that fresh love for a long period of time. it's hard. You can pace yourself, but you don't want to rob yourself of that hot and heavy phase. Only problem is coming down from that can be like a post sugar rush. At the end of the day, good or bad,, you want your love to prevail, and whether it will or not is the ultimate question in one's life. I know it can sound a bit negative but I find that it can also be healthy to contemplate these ideas. Not to be cynical, but to know about the yourself and make better decisions and improve as a human being for that person you care for.

I thought about all the arguments and complications that I've been a part of and sort of threw it all in there. It's a bit brief but expresses these ideas. Comparing it to a simple game like Freeze Tag gave the poem some personality.



Brothers in search of rock royalty
and his former sanctuary
It's been a few hours and still no luck
We asked a stranger but he was an arrogant fuck
Just wanna say I'm sorry that I couldn't make it
I wanted to but there was a scheduling conflict
But that surprise was thoughtful and sweet
Thought about it as I walked through an endless street
We met quite the characters along the way
All types of races: rich, poor, straight, gay
None knew the whereabouts of our destination
You can only imagine the frustration
We're having fun but as I was given time to think
It became clearer when our passion started to sink
We made each other laugh
only to head down different paths
We made each other cry
Along the way something went awry
There were a lot of stupid things said
Things we didn't mean then we fled

As the sun starts to set
I can't help but feel regret
You're there while I'm not
I notice my heart starting to rot
This could all be a blessing in disguise
but I wonder if we've met our demise
I'm over in the northwest (knowing)
You've seen me at my worst and best
But as we both search for new
And the day goes dark
I'm in Viretta Park
still thinking of you

We think we're inching closer to where we want to be
but now there's nothing but trees as far as the eye can see
Where can you find a decent map in this town
It kills me thinking that I possibly let you down
With you I've always felt protective
Oh The 'all' that I sometimes didn't give
I was selfish I was simple
My brain acting the size of a pimple
You used to wear my sweatpants
So what happened to the romance
When all is said and done less is more
You know I can be so immature
We've lost a lot of hours to arguments
and stubbornness that we didn't relent
The narcissism in me says that I failed
You spent too much time on my voicemail
Living in an area with too many shades of gray
My brother and I finally found the right way
When approaching the spot we jumped for joy
I'm remembering the first time you played coy
Didn't realize this all included so much pain
Feeling somber, we paid tribute to the legendary Kurt Cobain

As the sun starts to set
I can't help but feel regret
You're there while I'm not
I notice my heart starting to rot
This could all be a blessing in disguise
but I wonder if we've met our demise
I'm over in the northwest (knowing)
You've seen me at my worst and best
But as we both search for new
As the day goes dark
I'm in Viretta Park
still thinking of you

The dreaded airplane smell of stale air and coffee
I'm sitting next to a chatty stranger to add insult to injury
You keep reaching out to me
Part of your charm is that you're so naive
There's always a time where two must leave
I'll always look back at our memories fondly
The times we'd sneak in to see a second movie
The simple and the complex
We had quite the quirky side effects
To let you go

As the sun starts to set
I can't help but feel regret
You're there while I'm not
I notice my heart starting to rot
This could all be a blessing in disguise
but I wonder if we've met our demise
I'm over in the northwest (knowing)
You've seen me at my worst and best
But as we both search for new
As the day goes dark
I'm in Viretta Park
still thinking of you

Viretta Park is a very significant place for anyone that loves the band Nirvana. It's a small and isolated area in Seattle, Washington where lead singer and rock legend Kurt Cobain lived, and eventually where he took his own life. I can't say that I'm a diehard Nirvana fan. What I can say is that I was exposed to their music well before they were considered legendary. And I have my brother to thank for that who was an avid fan in the early nineties. I must have been just under 10 years of age, but I'd hang out with the older bro as he blasted their cassette tapes and pretended to rock out with a guitar (It was a tennis racket). I was well too young to absorb the meanings of these lyrics. And frankly, I'm still too dumb. But I would sing along and jam out as best as a geeky kid could.

I was fortunate enough to visit Viretta Park during a summer trip last year. It was very emotional for my brother as he was very distraught when he heard the news of his hero's fate. The only problem is that it's not this well known destination. Therefore, it took a long and frustrating adventure just to find this small spot thata included a beautiful gated home and a bench outside. We asked around and a lot of people didn't know what we were talking about. It took hours and for most of the time, we were running in circles. But it was probably the most spontaneous and fun part of the trip. During the journey, my mind drifted and I started to think about this situation I had back at home at the time and how it was a turning point in what I eventually would do. It's like a break up piece but it's more than that. It's the expression of how you feel once you decide to make that turn in the road. You have doubts and fears but in the end, you understand that the change may be a positive thing. So this focuses on the moments when you have that down time to ponder. I add a bunch of detail when it comes to the time of day. The sun setting, etc. It's one of the sadder pieces of the collection. Viretta Park will always be a moving place for people. For me, when I think of it and the hours it took to get there, I'll think of not only Mr. Cobain but the personal journey I was going through at the time.



'Your backbone is made of crumbs
You're nothing more than a lazy bum
You'll never find a girl to marry
You won't make any good money
and will be unemployed at thirty'
And these are just words of encouragement
Hate to hear what comes out when you vent
I guess that I already have
It's worse than a cold shower or bath
I have a tendency to be hyper sensitive
so don't play boss and tell me how to live
A desperate soul is what this all spells
What kind of man who can't communicate well
decides to major in communications?
My response is not a smart one
Immediate change is required and apparently dire
Who's saying these disparaging remarks you inquire?
My own worst enemy
The other half of me

Same talk Different day
We got carried away
so take me away
I need to be distracted
because I just overreacted
I just want to be able to function
and not get chewed a new one
during another one person intervention
Like a football coach screams at his team
You're here to scare me straight
How'd I get so lucky? Was it fate?

Call off the dogs and tough love method
There's no more need to be out for blood
I've turned it around because of the drill sergeant
I'm sorry but I used to be so much more potent
My memory is starting to get a shade blurry
One morning I was in a hurry
I was running 10 minutes late
Five blocks from the door I needed to defecate
Laughters and discussion only furthered the pain
then completely out of the blue it started to rain
Your patience is wearing thin
I dressed differently so I could fit in
but couldn't even fit in those pair of jeans
They were so damn tight
my head started to feel light
I'll never look like that again
Does anyone have a hand to lend

Same talk Different day
We got carried away
so take me away
I need to be distracted
because I just overreacted
I just want to be able to function
and not get chewed a new one
during another one person intervention
Like a football coach screams at his team
You're here to scare me straight
How'd I get so lucky? Was it fate?

My brain is starting to collect dust
5 plus years experience is a must
I've lost a lot these past few months
and my mind is on that list
along with the angels I've painfully missed
This group makes me feel naked
Now I'm laying in the bed
that I made for myself

NOTES: Well, this is the one where I just destroy myself. I wanted to pretend that I was lounging comfortable in my room, watching a game then a drill sergeant comes over my house, threw my tv on the floor, slaps my bottle of beer out of my hand and started screaming at the top of his lungs how much of a fool he thought I was. It was a frightening thought and even more frightening to create an angry list consisting of your flaws. It's certainly a realization and a good way to learn about yourself.

I consisted this list from things that I get pissed at myself about along with a few other influences. It was pretty humorous to write and re-read. My favorite line was about my choice of major. I mean, listen. Do I have the highest self-esteem? Of course not. But I find it extremely important for the most even level headed person to be able to laugh at themselves for decisions. I really believe in being humble and a dash of self deprecating. The smartest minds and funniest individuals have that. The whole 'I'm the best and I know it' is something I don't want to be. Arrogance isn't very becoming of anyone. Few people can get away with it. I'd much rather be what I just described. That's the under dog in me I guess.

During the poem, I wanted the reader to inquire who could possibly be saying all these nasty comments. And the twist is that it's about your own worst enemy being yourself. Of course, these insults have come from different parties at different times, but if they stick to you, that's no one's fault but your own and they become very real if you let them. That's why you can be so hard on yourself.

Distracted is what you want to feel when reality hits you. That's why people look for entertainment and recreation as an escape. So while the verses describe the problems, the chorus is a bit more mysterious and obscure but displays one's desire to just turn off all the negative energy. It also suggests how the same things you don't like about something are also the same characteristics you enjoy.

It was one of the harder ones to write just because I had to look in the mirror and be very real with myself. It's almost like a therapy session. Felt better.



She's got a potent method for humbling me
She wants to take a break indefinitely
I'm going to the local 7-11 to get some air
but I can't seem to find solace over there
Not even Drakes can put a smile on my face
A minor quibble that turned into a federal case
Tough to crack she's always been a tough crowd
I tried to lighten the mood but she just scowled
I'll always remember what she did today
She threw my flaky self away

But I'll never forget
that day at the flea market
It's where fortunes changed and you found me
She walked away but you took the time to see
that I wasn't broken just cracked and used
Damaged from the power that she abused
One's junk is another's treasure
I don't know how you measure
one's value but I adore you
and if that's enough, we'll be fine
Now that will be a buck fifty nine

She prefaced the news by asking me to sit down
The tone of her voice wasn't an encouraging sound
When it ended she put her hair in a ponytail
After the news my heart became far too frail
Any new love after that would just feel forced
A false sense of security without having remorse
But you made me realize it's alright to fantasize
and that there's no shame in telling yourself lies
I'll believe in love again and will do so inexplicably
Though the pieces to my spirit are sold separately

I'll never forget
that day at the flea market
It's where fortunes changed and you found me
She walked away but you took the time to see
that I wasn't broken just cracked and used
Damaged from the power that she abused
One's junk is another's treasure
I don't know how you measure
one's value but I adore you
and if that's enough, we'll be fine
Now that will be a buck fifty nine

You dusted me off and made me shine
Besides the cheap silverware I'm your best find
Pulled me away from the ledge
Saw that I wasn't too old just vintage
Oh my good friend
You gave this whole belief thing meaning again

Flea markets are pretty odd. Someone else's junk is on display in hopes that you may shell out a sum that's about a tenth of what the junk was originally worth so you can take it off their hands. But people enjoy these functions. And I don't just mean the sellers. The buyers do. They enjoy the rush of searching for that diamond in the rough. The unlikely scenario that they find a good bargain. Sure, the items may be used, but with a little care, they can become good as new and useful again.

I was fascinated with this idea because it had so many possibilities. I saw metaphor written all over it. I couldn't focus on just one for a while. In the end, I thought it was a good idea to go in the direction of telling the story of a woman who saw something in you that everyone else seemed to overlook or pass on. Not only that, but while she saw these qualities, you were hurting badly. You felt used, dated and unwanted. At the same time, you knew that you had something to offer someone special, even if it wasn't evident. That's Flea Market. It picks up after a break up and indulges in the euphoric state of falling in love again. So I'm comparing myself to let's say an ex's junk. I'm sure you can get a few people to agree with that. And when someone finds you, you do feel a bit fixed and reinvigorated. It's a good feeling, even if it may not be meant to last. One's junk is another's treasure. I think that can be true with people too. That's the point I try to make. Different people have different tastes. That's why variety truly is the spice of life. Any more cliches I can list? Probably...



You damaged my heart
in a hit and run of the soul
but just don't do that again

I was a no show at the party
and was acting anti-social
I'll try not to do that again

It feels so good when
you touch me there
I want you to do that again

Use against me
the feelings that I bare
You'll probably do that again

It's tempting to forgo the past
and give love another go
Let's try to do that again

You try to be discreet
You try to be stealth
But in the end
history repeats itself
I know that I need you
but i don't know what to do
So take my hand and let's do it again
again/again/again/again
Let's just try it again
again/again/again/again
Back together again

I repeat the same jokes
The ones that you despise
I'll probably do that again

Saying that we were done
left me with a sad surprise
Please don't do that again

After the fights
The mind that I make you lose
I'll try not to do that again

On the side of my neck
I'm sporting a big, fat bruise
I want you to do that again

We stand still
because of my commitment fears
Can't promise I won't do that again

You just made my day
my month, my year
Please do that again

You try to be discreet
You try to be stealth
but in the end
history repeats itself
I know that I need you
but i don't know what to do
Take my hand and let's do it again
again/again/again/again
Let's try it again
again/again/again/again
Let's try it again

Crazy again
In love again
Angry again
Enamored again
Lame again
Not afraid to say it AGAIN

You try to be discreet
You try to be stealth
but in the end
history repeats itself
I know that I need you
but i don't know what to do
Take my hand and let's do it again
again/again/again/again
Let's try it again
again/again/again/again
Let's try it again

Crazy again
In love again
Let's try to do it again
Enamored again
Lame again
Back together again

NOTES: NO ADDITIONAL NOTES...



It's tough to genuinely call you mine
when we're working on borrowed time
We've been given a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th life
I just saw a friend marry his future ex wife
The writing is on the wall but we're both rebellious
After this move no one will mistake me for a genius
The sign says do not enter but I'm on the premises
Risking it all and just for your kisses
When did I start getting so careless?
Why'd you fall in love with such a hot mess?
How did I create such indifference?
What can I do to get off the fence?
You flip flop the shoe drops
Then you're hundreds of miles away
I'm neurotic get sick
Then go under a rock for several days
Wish I knew if we were gonna go bad
If so, I'd become the romantic nomad
The cynics can laugh, I would too
After all these years, it's still you

I just can't predict our urges anymore
We've gone sour so many times before
Then against all logic unseal our fate
and live on well past our expiration date
So let's live on
Let's live on...together

It's tough to encourage us going at a rapid pace
when I risk the threat of having egg all over my face
Rough nights
Look under my eyes you'll see the bags
A silly thing called love has us overlooking the red flags
It's like putting a band aid on a wound that needs stitches
But our fortune could alternate from rags to riches
Flashbacks of April afternoons at Maple Lanes
No one will mistake me for being the brains
I'm either sentimental or mental alone
Without you I fear of becoming a drone
When did I develop such an idle mind?
Why'd you become so hard to find?
How many times can I put my hand on the stove?
What moment in my head did you break the mold?
I said I'm over this but that's just my ego talking
If I saw you on the street I couldn't keep walking
even if we were through
After all these years it's still you

I just can't predict our urges anymore
We've gone sour so many times before
Then unexplainably unseal our fate
and live on well past our expiration date
So let's live on
Let's live on...together

Our antics may raise a few eyebrows
Interested to see what becomes of us now

I just can't predict our urges anymore
We've gone sour so many times before
Then unexplainably unseal our fate
and live on well past our expiration date
So let's live on
Let's live on...together

Let's live on (together)
Let's live on...forever?

One of the more positive poems on love is called Expiration Date. It's gotten harder to write the full love piece. A lot of that has to do with paranoia. But as stated in earlier notes, I believe the true love song or poem is the one that paints the whole picture, good and bad. This continues that philosophy. It's about the return of a former love and that fear and emotion that's connected with it. I think a lot of us have a hard time letting go of someone and eventually end up returning to that someone at some point. This is a more extreme version of that. It explains the irrational thought that goes into such a reunion and going in the direction of that irrational though. Expiration Date is a title that was inspired by bad milk and dairy products in general. They start out so promising and tasty but end in pretty gross fashion. Sort of like a relationship. Only in this poem, I'm stating that sour milk can be saved. Moldy bread can become edible again, as illogical as it sounds. Whether or not that thought is a smokescreen is what makes it all so interesting. You wouldn't eat bad goods. But you may try a relationship over and over again, even after it's supposed expiration date. It's that kind of passion that I and most people are drawn to.

Favorite line is the either sentimental or mental alone one. It's funny, ironic and describes all those feelings. You don't know if you're doing the right thing. But if it feels good at the moment, then it's the right thing. I understand you have to look long term, something I don't do nearly enough. But it's good to live for the now. You can't protect yourself to the point where you don't want to love anyone. It's not worth it. Recklessness is the lesser of the two evils.