The Making of..."Balloon"

Hey

It's amazing how much of our childhood we take with us as we grow and supposedly mature. Sure, we evolve. We form opinions on important topics which we couldn't fully comprehend as children like religion, war, love, hate etc. And our future experiences shape us as humans. But in the end, at our very core, we carry so many characteristics from when we were children. I'm talking about basic thoughts that we're not even realizing that we're doing at the time. Perhaps that's just genetics that is following us. I won't get into the science of that because frankly I'm just not smart enough. But it is entertaining thought. Anyway, to be more specific, I guess I'm implying that our initial reactions to certain moments will likely resemble our reactions as children, whether that means you were an angry child, a calmer type child or a sensitive child.

I've come to the conclusion that this holds true with me. I'm a very sensitive person. And I say that to myself and it's an obvious duh type of moment. But I like to explore that feeling and go deeper. I ask myself questions like when did feeling sensitive start. What was my first memory of sensitivity? (I wrote about that in Where's My Sticker collection last year. The answer is Kindergarten) Will I forever be this way? Is there anything wrong with that? So it's definitely overwhelming to really observe trends and what's more overwhelming is attempting to break those trends that have been cemented by time. In Balloon I explored a specific side to my sensitivity, which is how I respond to positive feedback and compliments and how I decide to process it in my head. This is personal, but sometimes I just don't feel worthy of certain kind words. Maybe because it's a bit rare, and I'm hard on myself in my own way (unfortunately not so much a motivational way) but sometimes compliments can make me cringe. It's weird because I work hard certain times for approval and crave that level of acceptance so badly, you would think I'd feel accomplished. I have the guts to put my creativity out there so why do I squirm when it's being received a certain way? For lack of a better word, it sucks. And obviously negative feedback makes me feel bad too. Catch 22...

So this one discusses that idea. It doesn't really give answers. But it just goes in to detail of how/when these feelings occur and I compare my ego to something as fragile as a balloon and how if you squeeze it too tight, it will pop and if it goes too high, it'll disappear. It's one of the best uses of metaphor I've used in a bit. The rhyming works well too here. At least I can sort of give myself compliments. Ha.

This was a gratifying piece to write about because I've never explored the feeling before when writing. It is the more vulnerable writings but hopefully that's why it can work.

Thanks.